TomW5.15.17

A different kind of smokemare

Blog Post created by TomW5.15.17 on Oct 5, 2018

I’ve only had a handful of smokemares since I quit a year and a half ago.  But until last night, they all had similarities:

  1. I was aware that I had relapsed, but thought I could hide it.
  2. I felt terribly guilty for relapsing.
  3. I woke up in a panic, feeling extreme shame for what I had done.
  4. Even though I could tell I was in my bed, and I had only been dreaming, I still immediately smelled my fingers just to be sure.

Last night’s was different:

  1. I didn’t consider my smoking a relapse, because I was only bumming menthol cigarettes from a friend. And since I never smoked menthol before, and would never go buy a pack of menthol in the future, somehow, this didn’t count.
  2. Then, another friend pointed out the flaw in my logic, and I woke up just as I realized he was right.
  3. This time when I woke up, I immediately knew it was a dream and laughed instead of panicking and smelling my fingers. Why? Because I really never would smoke a menthol no matter how bad a withdrawal urge I was having.  Ick!  No offense, but I don’t know how you previous menthol smokers did it. I would (and did) drive more than a mile to buy a pack of regular cigarettes before bumming a menthol.

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