A different kind of crave

Blog Post created by TomW5.15.17 on Aug 11, 2017

I went 84 days in a row craving nicotine.  Some days the cravings were really strong, and others not that bad, but still there.  I never understood when people here talked about physical withdrawal vs mental.  That the physical supposedly ends after 3 days and then becomes mental.  My cravings have all been very physical for 84 days.  The best I can describe them, is like a vacuum in my upper chest that aches to be filled.  It is a very physical sensation, not mental.


However, from the very first day, I have never wanted a cigarette.  My need for nicotine was so strong, what I really wanted was a couple pieces of nicotine gum to chew fast.  That is the fastest way to get the nicotine into your system.  I didn’t want to wait for the slow delivering cigarette.  (By the way, I quit Cold Turkey.  I haven’t had a piece of nicotine gum in probably 6-7 years.  But I remember the sensation well.)


Then, on Day 85, everything changed.  My craves completely disappeared.  I felt normal for the first time in months.  The next 2 days were the same.  I knew it wouldn’t last, and sure enough, today my crave came back.  But very different this time.  And kind of scary.  My physical crave sensation is back, but at a much duller level.  For the first time, I have what I would call a mental craving.  I’m practically obsessing about how good a cigarette would be.  I feel like I’m missing everything about it.  From pulling one out of the pack, rolling it in my fingers, lighting it up, taking that first long draw….  You get the idea.  I’m romanticizing it in my head.  My wife asked me to run to the store for a couple things we needed for dinner.  I told her I didn’t trust myself to go alone, so she came with me.


I’ve been on this site long enough that none of this is surprising to me.  And, not to worry, my quittitude and resolve are strong.  Even though I asked my wife to come with me, I don’t think I’d have the guts to buy a pack.  I would feel like the world was watching me (my guilty conscience ).  Just felt the need to write this down.  And I feel better already. 


Hope everyone has a good evening!


Tom (88 DOF)