I don’t know if there will ever be a day I don’t even think about it (I like coming on this site 2-3 times a day), but yesterday was the first day I had no craving at all. I never even reached for a phantom cigarette, or reach for my trusty coffee stir straw to chew on. I’ve had some days (even string of days) that were relatively pleasant. And I was very grateful for them. But they were only comparatively pleasant if you know what I mean.
This NML has been very hard for me. I love all the support I’m getting, but I’ve been bothered all along that I’m not doing as well as others I see, and wondering if something is wrong with me. When jbliesmer posted about her breakthrough at day 60 something, I was so happy for her and hopeful for me since I quit a week after her. But then I entered the 70’s and then the 80’s and no relief was in sight. Since I quit 86 days ago, I have not had one crave-free day. The first week I had the typical physical withdrawal symptoms everyone gets. At the time, they were awful and I hated them. But looking back, they seem quaint compared to the over-whelming waves of craving I’ve had in NML. And even when I didn’t have one of those all-day, or several hour craves, I would still wake up every morning with a very strong physical crave that lasted at least an hour or two. Which is very strange because I never smoked for an hour after I got up, so waking up shouldn’t be a trigger. It has gotten so that I dread going to bed at night, because I’m afraid of waking up in the morning. I was now convinced that this was my new normal. There must be something different about me, and I am just resigned to being a sort of miserable ex-smoker the rest of my life.
Then yesterday happened! I noticed right away when I woke up that I had no crave. I couldn’t believe it. I even tried to make one come on by mentally imagining myself smoking, and nothing. I made a mental note to myself to be prepared, because it was certainly coming, and it would probably be a real doozy since I was getting this break. But then my day happened. Work, family, and friends happened. Just plain normal stuff happened. I did check in on the site a few times, but the actual thought of smoking (or wanting to) never occurred. When I went to bed last night, I still couldn’t believe it! And like the morning, I tried to see if I could make a crave come. Didn’t happen. Still going strong today!
So Dale, for the record, it was Day 85 for me!
Tom (86 DOF)