Thomas3.20.2010

3000 DOF

Blog Post created by Thomas3.20.2010 on Jun 6, 2018

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Oh, how I wish we could always keep this in mind! I get in dark moods. I get taken down by illness on a regular basis. I'm very introverted which is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing lies in knowing myself profoundly - perhaps that is the curse as well, come to think of it! 

This moodiness - chronic anxiety and depression along with COPD - came with it's own challenges of grief. Grief is a natural part of the Recovery process in breaking the chains of Nicotine Addiction. Good Grief! To come to acceptance of the fact that despite - no, because of - my illnesses, both physical and mental I am not just "good enough." I am uniquely special and worthy of Self-Compassion and Self-Love.

As I pulled back the layers of denial and isolation, followed by anger - at people, myself, at society, even at God - for the natural consequences combined with a torturous upbringing, I bargained with my Soul and my Lord to be released from being who I am. I would have given just about anything to change so many things that cannot be changed. The past cannot be redone. 

Then piece by piece, time and time again I repeated these steps - each time securing acceptance, even seeing the blessings and finally, offering gratitude to God, not for the evil in the world but for the Lord's mercy that provides wisdom, understanding, compassion and peace of spirit to those who have been touched by it. Like peeling an onion, layer by layer, memory by memory, emotion by emotion, belief upon belief - living Life on Life's terms

.....and discovering the Rainbow that is the Gift of LIFE!

The Journey continues....

Outcomes