This phrase dates from at least the end of the 16th century in English but is derived loosely from the Latin saying 'praemonitus, praemunitus' but today means that prior knowledge of possible dangers or problems gives one a tactical advantage. And that's a lot of what we do here - giving each other lessons learned in the hopes that you won't have as tough a time with this or that as we did.So take what you find useful and leave the rest. To be helpful is our only goal!
One place I hang out reading is the Newbie Group. I learn so much from you Folks and wish to pay it back and pay it forward. So here's my two cents about the People in your life.
There are 3 basic categories of change we go through when we Quit Smoking: People, Places, and Things. I don't know about you but I've found places and things much less of a Big Deal than People. You know that motto about "Make new friends and keep the old...?" I think it's really tough to disconnect from people especially if you want to do it in a gentle way.
Yet, in order for real change to happen you have to leave some people behind and rearrange some other relationships making room for New Friends in your New Normal.
Now, some of this will happen seamlessly but some of it you have to take the bull by the horns.
Fact: One third of smokers admit that they purposely sabotage another smoker's attempt to quit! How many Folks won't or can't admit such a nefarious thing? There could be all kinds of motivations:Jealousy, guilt about their own smoking, wanting to keep their smoking “buddy.” Forewarned is Forearmed! Know that it wil happen and have your response ready!
Then there are your Family and closest Friends. Of course, you're not going to eject your relationships because they have given you a hard time and become more of a hindrance than a help in your Quit Launch! But something has to give!
Don't get defensive! They have seen you Quit Smoking how many times? Turn them into allies rather than detractors. You can do it! Share honestly: "Yes, I know I've 'tried' to Quit Smoking before but this is different! I am doing it entirely differently because I want and need to succeed - for you, yes, but this time - for ME! I'm not just doing the same old things I've done before that never worked! I'm receiving knowledge and support and I would like very much for you to become a part of my Support Team! This is what you can do...."
You can start this conversation with this letter:
Then make room in your mind, heart, soul for New Friends! Tell everybody - literally! You'll be surprised who becomes your ally! One of my first allies was the cashier at 7/11! I asked her to never sell me Sickerettes and she honored my decision but more than that she encouraged me every time I came into her store! Then there's the next door neighbor! He noticed I no longer came outside to smoke and approached me! He gave me tips and tricks to get through the tough moments.
So will there be people who trigger you? who sabotage you? who ridicule you? YES! But there will also be true Friends who support and share with you - who open up and let you go through the process of becoming! Which group do you decide to spend your time and energy focused on? This is YOUR Quit! Own it!
You can do this!