So I came to the site on my laptop, I was reading through a few of the blogs/conversations. Way at the bottom it say's- Recommended Content- I see one titled "Husband driving me nuts" oh wait I wrote that, I clicked on it, I wrote it 3 days before he passed. Now the tears flow freely, but that is okay.
Still smoke free, still no major urge to smoke, just the "go outside and distract myself feelings", I do that now, but I grab a breath-mint and usually walk around vs sitting at the table where the ashtray is. Since I have stopped suppressing my grief with smoking I am feeling it a lot more this week and that is alright too. I need it, I need to let the natural grief process happen. I went through the grief of losing my nic demon "not so much of a good friend" last year when I quit smoking, and have a not felt that loss this time with my quit. I am very happy and proud of myself for kicking o'l nic out of my life again. I let him distract me for a couple of months, but I know that was dumb of me and I have moved on from smoking, I do not do that anymore. I went to my roommates brother's house for Thanksgiving dinner last night as I had for the previous two years. It was hard going without my husband, but I didn't smoke or even think about smoking over it. I found a lot to be thankful for yesterday, and knowing even while dealing with my loss, I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my non-blood family, and that does make me believe in hope.
Hold tight to your quits
Tabbie
