*Long rambling post @ 3am, short story I am getting ready for my quit
November 19th will be my quit date (if not before). I saw my doctor Friday, he checked to make sure my other medications would not interact with Chantix and gladly put in an order for the starter kit and enough to get me through 12 weeks. Last year when I used Chantix I quit on day 3, two weeks later had a one day slip and reset my quit date to the next day. I stopped taking it completely by week 12. I made it 10 1/2 months and fell back to using smoking as my comfort when my husband died. I used to tell my doctor that I would quit when my husband did or 30 days after he died. It will be 60 days after he died when I quit, but due to my roommate, also my husbands best friend, having just started fall harvest when my husband passed, we didn't schedule the local celebration of life until Nov 17th, after harvest...yeah that won't happen, but they are almost done. Between rain, snow and equipment failures they are a few weeks behind schedule. My roommates boss, who is his brother said my roommate would have the 17th off no matter what. My roommate is already talking about working the morning of the 17th since the official time for the celebration is between 1-5pm. I am just here rolling my eyes and saying to myself "yeah no worries I will handle getting things ready"...what can I say I love the guy as he has become a big brother to me, but I really miss having my husband be around to be the go between at times.
The two inches of snow and below or just above freezing weather we have had since Wednesday night has helped me curb my smoking a lot since we only smoke outside and it was more habitual vs crave driven when I did step outside or into the garage and its cold out their. I had my last alcoholic drink today (Saturday) and put the rest of my whiskey up in the closet, out of site, out of mind. I put the whiskey away since I am starting Chantix today (Sunday) and I also know that drinking and smoking go hand n hand for me. So that bottle will stay in the closet until next year..maybe new years eve..maybe longer, either way not until I have a strong handle on my quit.
I bought a new water bottle that I will start using on the 19th, the one I am using now I bought last year when I quit. Since I have smoked with my current one near by I decided to toss it. Since the weather will be in the 50s by weeks end I will get my winter jacket washed next week and not use it again until I quit. I also have my plush Grumpy doll, that I promised myself I would not pull out until after I quit, waiting for me in the living room closet. I have my breath mints, I know I will have lots of fruit and veggies left over from the celebration to get me through the first week of not smoking. I will be reading, and posting and becoming more active here. I have become active with the local al-anon group and have been going to regular NA and AA meetings. My husband was just 11 days shy of getting his 31 yr sobriety chip. While I went with him a few times, it wasn't until two weeks after he passed that a mutual friend started taking me 2-5 times a week. Just to get me out of the house. I now have a huge support group that I am grateful to be apart of and they know I am quitting smoking now too. A few of them are long term/recent quitters so like those here @ Ex they know the struggle.
My friend laughed when I told her I was cleaning house this week. If you were to walk into my house right now the worst you would see is the kitchen in need of a mop (snow melting attracts lots of mud and dirt) and a couple piles of paper work that needs to be gone through. Me being who I am, I see the dust on the baseboards, window blinds and computer desk and I know I haven't dusted the figurines above the microwave in the kitchen in over two years or vacuumed behind/under the couch and refrigerator since spring. Not to mention all the fur - 1 dog, 3 cats and the season change, fur is everywhere. Yes, I doubt anyone would say anything, but I know the dust & fur is their, so it will get cleaned.
I am dreading the garage/storage area. That was my husbands area. Until this last year he took a lot of pride in making sure everything was in its place and I honestly think he vacuumed the floor rugs more than I did the carpet inside the house. It's a mess, dust, cobwebs, grass clippings, leaves and tools and stuff all over the workbenches, after he passed I opened all the boxes of things that have not been unpacked since we moved to this place in April 2015. I was looking for things I can give to his son next weekend. So I need to at least straighten things out a bit, do some cleaning, but for the most part that can wait till after. I just want the inside of my house to be clean. Not to mention keeping busy helps right now too. This week my focus is still on my husband and getting prepped for the 17th, next week my focus turns back to me, quitting smoking, getting healthier and trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life as a non-smoking widow.