***This is a long blog with lots of rambling, but I am not smoking: I do not do that***
Wow it has been a month since I posted a blog, it seems like it was just yesterday, time is flying by. I do come to the EX every day though, usually many times, read blogs, occasionally post, click like, but even though I tried a couple times I just could not get my thoughts into words. I have been on a huge emotional roller coaster. The 2017 holiday season was the first without my dad and 2nd without my mom. Thanksgiving week I was fine, since then..its just been hard. Still no desire to smoke though.
I had blood work done and saw my doctor the 27th of Dec. I last had blood work done in June, but saw my doctor in Sept and talked about my quitting smoking and we decided I would try Chantix. It worked, I lost all physical cravings, just been focusing on steps to take when the mental habit or thoughts pop into my head. I will be weening myself off Chantix next week, but doctor said if I start smoking or even if the desires come back to ween myself back on and call him if I need refills for it. When I first quit and actually a few weeks before I quit, I started using breath mints as my go to when the cravings hit. Before I quit I would pop a breath mint in my mouth before I would light up. When I quit I would just grab a breath mint. I went through a lot of breath mints the first month- about 3 containers. This last month it has been less then one container. So back to the doctors visit-BP was good and if it continues he will have me stop taking the BP meds in June. My thyroid levels are up so I get to increase my Levothyroxine and I just got a 3 month refill so he prescribed a low dose to go with my higher dose- yea more pills. As I drove to the doctors I just knew I had gained weight, my eating habits were crazy and I had consumed a lot of soda and coffee- much more then I had months prior and we won't talk about the sweets...As I was walking down the hall to the doctors office my pants were slipping a bit, but I was still expecting the scale to show a higher number then previous visit in September. Nope it was lower, I was in shock, as the nurse took me into the room I was thinking I had the previous weight wrong in my head so I asked her to look it up. Nope it was true I had lost 11lbs. I still have a lot to lose and that, along with keeping my quit are my two areas of focus for 2018.
My husband and I are heading 2 hrs south tomorrow, grabbing dinner, going to a hotel and then we have to be at the hospital at 5 am Monday for his cardiac ablation. At least it will be above freezing and the rain/slush is no longer in the forecast, my heater and defrost suck in my truck. I initially quit Oct 17th. We made this same trip October 29th, the ablation was canceled do to a procedural error during pre-op. We had to make an emergency trip for my husband to see his Urologist - an 70 minute drive, a 2 hr wait (the urologist was in surgery), 30 minutes later we drove the 55 minutes home. I drove, husband smoked, I smoked. I stopped when we got home, I just dropped my husband off then had to go to the pharmacy and get dinner, I knew at that point I slipped big time, but I also knew I was finished smoking. I reset my quit to October 31st and have not had one puff, since I do not do that anymore.
My husband opened his last pack of cigarettes a few hours ago, he has had one or two. He did say he won't smoke in the truck while I am driving, I hope he won't since that has always been my biggest trigger. When he is on the porch smoking, it is easy enough to step up wind to avoid the smoke, but in a vehicle..not so much, but I have my tools handy- water, breath mints and a pen to fidget with if needed. He knows he has to quit, but I know all to well the "I have to quit" is a thought a lot, if not all smokers have, but they keep smoking. It has to be his choice, I try not to nag him, but I just can't help it at times, like when he comes inside from smoking, gasping for breath, having pains from his A-fib, but hey go have another smoke 2 hrs later, rinse, repeat and bite my tongue..sometimes. I do love him and promised to stick with him. As I told him I am not going anywhere, but I won't smoke, because I do not do that anymore.