Day 36 of freedom

Blog Post created by Tabbiekat on Dec 6, 2017

I am so tired during the day, but can't sleep at night. I was drinking coffee in the morning and soda or tea until early afternoon. I quit all caffeine a few days ago. I take sleeping pills and am lucky if I get to sleep before 3am. Last night I was awake until 6:30am, got a short nap, but if I don't get some sleep in tonight tomorrow will be a true test of my love for my husband. No matter what, I will not be smoking though.


I can honestly say 35 days was the longest I stayed quit in the past. That was during the summer of '96 and I stayed up in the mountains helping my grandpa keep the campsites cleaned and did lots of fishing. The cravings have been few and becoming around less often. During my morning nap I had my first smoking dream and was so disappointed in myself even after I got up and realized it was just a dream.


I have to take my husband to a surgery center 45 minutes away in the morning, leaving at 7am for his 2nd cataract surgery. Wait around 2-3 hours while that is done, come home, fix lunch then go to the afternoon follow up. At least his doctor is coming to town, he rents a local eye doctors office twice a month,  so it won't involve another longish drive. As long as I get a couple hours sleep I will be fine, but still.


I know I am in NML, I know the sleep/insomnia will come in waves. I have been dealing with it for years, but unlike last month when I was stressed on top of being tired I know I will grab coffee before I even think of lighting up again. My husband  is still smoking, but has promised to keep his smoking to a minimum while we drive. I can handle one or two, but by the third the cravings get to be a bit much. I told him if his smoking gets to bothering me while we drive I will tell him, if he decides to light up another I will not hesitate to grab it, throw it out the window, throw his pack out the window and if need be hide the money from him until we return home again. He laughed, but I told him I was not kidding. I am enjoying life as a non-smoker way to much to let him and his continued smoking be the reason I start up again.