It has taken me a few hours to get my thoughts into words...Started writing this last night when I got home from the hospital (not me, mom) just a lot of rambling, a few success moments...
Today I was driving my husband to see his doctor (routine visit) about an hour away- Normally 4-5 cigarettes are smoked each way. After the first one I grabbed a pen and held that in my hand and only had 2 on the way down (down being that I was heading to a city South of home).
I then got huge wake up call. My "adopted mom" (long story) was rushed to the hospital across from my husbands doctors while we were in town. She was having chest pains, shes been a smoker for 40+ yrs. Had a triple bi-pass 7 yrs ago and 4 stents during the first 5 years after her bi-pass and after they did a catheter exam of her heart she was informed due to significant blockage more stents were not an option and they are wanting to try to reduce the blockage with medication, something she stopped taking years ago and decided to go strictly herbal/nutritional. It was a big wake up call for her and she said she will also quit smoking (her husband already tossed out her current cigarettes) . She knows my husband and I will be quitting on the 30th so hopefully it will help her and with exception of her oldest son no one in her immediate family will be smoking and I know her son won't light up in front of her.
I lost both of my parents within the last 2 years. I just turned 40, mom was 4 days shy of her 70th birthday, dad had turned 75 three months before he passed. They both smoked until their mid 30's and quit when I was a toddler. My adopted mom just turned 60 last month. You hear about cancer left and right, but proof positive it is heart disease that affects my family and loved ones who smoke and I am right on path for a similar outcome. While I have a fair amount of health issues thankfully my heart is not one of them (yet) and I know the sooner I become an EX the better chance I will have in 20-30 yrs.
Very stressful time, but the reason behind the stress is all the more reason I know I will quit on or before the 30th.
Although I was at the hospital for 5 hours and could have easily stepped out to my truck and lite up for a puff or two I honestly didn't give it a second thought. I only had 3 cigarettes on the way home from the hospital and only one before bed last night. I didn't have my first cigarette until a couple of hours after waking up this morning and today in total I think I have had 6 or 7 instead of my normal 10-15/day. Tomorrow I will only keep 7 within easy reach and try to cut that back more and more over the next few days, I also started Chantix this morning after breakfast, so far so good with that we will see what tomorrow brings.