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RELAPSE SUCKS

SuzyQ411
Member
2 53 1,095

This is a hard entry to write. But, write it I must. You see, I have relapsed.

There is no doubt in my mind that three factors were at work in my failure to maintain the longest quit I have ever had in my 61 years of smoking history:

  • I had not fully accepted the fact that I would never be able to smoke again
  • When I smoked that one cigarette on Labor Day, I opened the doorway to my smoking again at some point down the road
  • I never addressed/worked at underlying issues such as stress and worry and the part they played in my addiction. 

I was "white knuckling" my recovery; often hanging on by a thread and willing myself to keep stepping forward. I was not working through my quit in a positive and therapeutic manner.

I am sincerely hoping (and praying) that when I start my new quit on January 6, 2020, that I will closely guard myself to prevent repeating the above mindsets and practice.

~Suzy

P.S. I will be leaving January 4th for an out-of-town second opinion on whether I need a stent in my carotid artery, after all. At this point, I do not know how long until will return home. My phone is not programmed to access my quit-smoking member sites and I won't be able to take my computer with me. So, I will be out of touch until I get back home. But, once I get back here, you can bet the first thing I'll do is to log onto my sites to say hello and send an update.

I'm sending a sincere thanks to all who have been supporting and encouraging me and hope you will be there for me when I'm back.   

53 Comments
About the Author
Prior to my first quitting on 8/25/2019, I was a heavy smoker for over 60 years. That time, I quit due to health concerns regarding clogged arteries to my brain. Tar deposits from cigarettes were making the situation worse. I had become a prime candidate for a stroke and required surgery to clean out my left carotid artery. I have relapsed 4X since that quit, the last one being on 05.15.2022. ( At one point in all of this madness, I had been quit for 1.5 years). Then on 9/7/2021 I began my recent eight month quit before my current relapse. I am in the process of planning a return to the non-smoking life. After more than 2 weeks of smoking, wheezing and coughing and being short of breath, I have set my new quit date of June 1, 2022 as the beginning of my forever quit. I am done with this madness!! God is good.