This is a hard entry to write. But, write it I must. You see, I have relapsed.
There is no doubt in my mind that three factors were at work in my failure to maintain the longest quit I have ever had in my 61 years of smoking history:
- I had not fully accepted the fact that I would never be able to smoke again
- When I smoked that one cigarette on Labor Day, I opened the doorway to my smoking again at some point down the road
- I never addressed/worked at underlying issues such as stress and worry and the part they played in my addiction.
I was "white knuckling" my recovery; often hanging on by a thread and willing myself to keep stepping forward. I was not working through my quit in a positive and therapeutic manner.
I am sincerely hoping (and praying) that when I start my new quit on January 6, 2020, that I will closely guard myself to prevent repeating the above mindsets and practice.
~Suzy
P.S. I will be leaving January 4th for an out-of-town second opinion on whether I need a stent in my carotid artery, after all. At this point, I do not know how long until will return home. My phone is not programmed to access my quit-smoking member sites and I won't be able to take my computer with me. So, I will be out of touch until I get back home. But, once I get back here, you can bet the first thing I'll do is to log onto my sites to say hello and send an update.
I'm sending a sincere thanks to all who have been supporting and encouraging me and hope you will be there for me when I'm back.
Welcome to our community!
All is not lost from your failure to maintain your quit. It seems you learned a LOT about the mental aspect of quitting. AND you figured out that white knuckling a quit only wears you out from the fight. I'd say you have positioned yourself well for your next go - let us help you make this your final quit! I will give you some reading and prep work to do before your trip to help you make it so.
The important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware. I credit it in large part with my success at quitting. You can search for it online or at your local library.
You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.
After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract. I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another. You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them.. For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum. For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire and 4) you can become addicted to that and it has not yet been proven safe .
It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.
The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced. Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.
You need to distract yourself through any craves. You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game. Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits. Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke
The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?" Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.
Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!
Nancy