Monday night I fell and broke my right arm at 8 p.m. I had been doing very well on the third day of my quit.
I broke more than my arm that night. I just felt broken as a human being. It's just like, the Last Straw. It's been so difficult these last 8 years. I think I was in shock all day Tuesday.
Let me tell you how I broke my arm. I was on the phone with my mom, who is still recovering from her stroke and aneurysm surgery, and she is still in skilled nursing, from her surgery January 19th. I shared all that in one of my other blogs. I had the phone on my right ear and a cup of coffee in my other hand so she heard the whole thing unfold. I walked out of the bedroom and tripped over the cannula to my husband's oxygen concentrator. As I told you he is disabled with COPD for many years now. I think I was kind of body slammed to the floor. I don't remember the fall. I just know I went from talking on the phone to my face buried in the carpet and my arm broken because my hand folded completely back. My $700 pair of glasses lay mangled on the floor. My hair is covered in coffee. I am so shocked I can't move, sobbing into the carpet.
After 10 minutes I collected myself, sat up against the wall and when I did coffee sloshed in my left ear. To say the least it sounds overdramatic but that coffee sloshing in my left ear was like the ultimate insult.
I've never cried so hard. My first broken bone.
I spent the next 10 minutes inspecting the damage. My husband helped me get my shirt off.. then I just started crying and screaming in rage just Aaaaaaa! Over and over again for 10 minutes. Then I said that's enough of that, pity party over. I've never lost my nut like that, ever.
I asked my husband did I scare you? He's like yeah. Somehow, my husband, my hero, fixed my mangled glasses.. they were literally mangled like in a car wreck. He also picked up my phone and reassured my mom, who was still on the line.
Miss encourager, Miss cup half full, Miss always looking for the silver lining in the clouds, she wasn't there anymore. I find her occasionally this week but I am still looking for her in totality.
My husband was also in shock to find me in such a state. It was just like...too much with everything else that has been going on these last years to find myself on the floor, broken.
I've been crying all week. I have so much responsibility and I'm not a crier. I find it hard to cry at sad movies or funerals. Now I need help and who can possibly help my loved ones who need me right NOW?
I don't do pity parties either, usually, but cant say that at the moment. I went and bought cigarettes, yep drove to town with a broken arm, and started smoking again Monday night. And I didn't really give a flying flip about it. By Wednesday I quit smoking again.
Thursday afternoon I found out how much it was going to cost me to get this arm fixed. My deductible on my insurance is $7,000. So I started smoking again and crying. Just can't turn the faucet off, which ticks me off.
Then Along Comes Friday. My bones are not out of alignment. The night I fell I thought maybe it is just jammed. I put my fist between my knees and gently pulled like applying traction. It felt better but I didn't feel a pop. The Dr said I set it myself! LOL! so they simply put a cast on it. I don't need surgery which is what the first doctor thought I would need. Praise God!
Let's go back to Monday. Before the great fall. My husband and I got home from his respiratory rehab in the afternoon and we were expecting severe weather, namely hail. So I wanted to put the vehicles in the garage. The truck wouldn't start the battery is dead. So I jerked it out of the truck I ran to town and got a replacement battery free because it was still under warranty. Fantastic news! Put the battery back in the truck and it still wouldn't start. I had lights and everything but no starting. Meanwhile the Storm still on its way right? Can't get the cars in the garage cuz the trucks parked in front of the garage door! So I get a flashlight out, start looking around and find a squirrel's nest in my engine. Squirrels like wiring. They just nibbled away all the wires coming out of the fuse box on the engine! So I started calling around to other people I know it's had this problem as we live in a rural area. One friend told me it was covered under your comprehensive insurance on your car! Long story short, I found out today it is certainly covered under my comprehensive as is the tow to the nearest dealership 70 miles away! Oh, the hailstorm never happened!
I've lost my quit. I'll find it in the next day or two for sure. Not sure why I'm still crying so much, other than the fact that I just need to maybe.
Also I cannot type with my right hand broken and I'm using voice to text which isn't very reliable. Using it will help me learn to enunciate. Ever since I had radiation following adenoid cystic carcinoma in my salivary gland a few years ago my speech is not good. So miss cup half full will see voice-to-text as good speech therapy!
Love you all and hope you're doing well. You're a great group of people and deserve every good thing that can come your way. I just wondered if somebody might have missed me and thought I gave up on quitting. Nope nope nope! Counting my blessings.