Blowing Off Some Steam

Blog Post created by SoosannahK on Aug 31, 2018

I am going to damage my Pollyanna Sunshine persona here and just rant a little bit. Yesterday was horrible. I didn't smoke, but I thought a lot about it. I knew a bad day would come and it wouldn't all be walking on sunshine and tiptoeing through the tulips.  I didn't think about going and getting any cigarettes, I just fantasized about how great my life would be right now if I didn't have the strain of quitting the cigarettes on me right now along with everything else.  I don't know how smoking is going to make anything easier, just that stinking thinking I suppose. 


Our central air is out and it is hotter than the southern gates of hell in NC right now.  I am going to have to break down and get some small window units to survive the rest of hell summer. I didn't want to spend that money, but my sanity and quit may depend on it. The heat pump will be replaced in Spring before hell summer returns. We have an attic fan which helps circulate the winds of hell summer.  I am not handling this not having AC as gracefully as I thought I was. And I refuse to finance anything else!!!! My goal is to pay stuff off not finance more.  We will have the money saved by April to have it replaced. I just have to suck it up and get through a few more weeks of hell Summer. 


I feel like a bloated cow. My belly is bloated, my hands are bloated and my feet look like 10lb sausages in 5lb casings. When it is hot, my feet swell like nobody's business. So they are all puffy. I am watching my salt intake and drinking tons of water, keeping them elevated when I am sitting, walking around all the time, but I am still all swoled up!! I have even tried my compression socks for work, they helped some but dang they are hot! I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday. We will talk about these puffy sausages called feet. I am going to kind of ignore the scale right now because I am holding onto fluid like the Hoover Dam. Also I am quite certain I did not gain 10+ lbs last week, don't care how many brownies I ate, I don't think it is possible. I have started tracking my food and calories. Almost all the sugary food is gone except for a ton of lollipops and I am sick to death of those. There are no more chips and brownies in the house. Hopefully the scale will start traveling down and I will eat more broccoli and brussel sprouts. 


I think I am just feeling the blahs. I hate summer and this one seems to have drug on forever. I am tired of being hot and sweaty.  I am ready for Autumn and the cooler temps and colorful leaves. I can start hiking again and not have to worry about heat stroke. Hubby is off next Monday and Tuesday so maybe I can drag him to a trail on Tuesday.


My youngest son has his first job interview on Monday afternoon, so we need to hang around and help him get ready for that I suppose. He is very nervous. He is 18 has never had a job. High school was spent taking high school and college courses as he was in a hybrid accelerated program and I wanted him to focus on his school work. He graduated in mid-May and turned 18 the same week. I just cried all week, He has decided to take a gap year before finishing his degree. He already has an electrical engineering certificate, so he is deciding if engineering is what he wants to do the rest of his life or something entirely different. So he is going to work and possibly resume  general classes in the spring semester. Right now he wants to get some work experience because even with his certificate no one will hire him because he has no work history.  The catch-22 of employment, no experience = no job, no job = no experience. Poor kid. But at least he has had one call back for an interview.  Fingers crossed for the kid. 


So I am still smoke free, halfway done with day 9. I don't want to smoke, I think I have just romanticized it. Life is not going to be better if I smoke. Smoking won't fix my busted arse AC or make my house any cooler. Smoking isn't going to turn my sausages back into feet. I think I just need to get out of the house (the one with the busted arse AC) for a day, go ride on the parkway or something, go hiking. Something. Anything, other than sitting here fantasizing about cigarettes. Tomorrow and Saturday, I go to work. Gonna make the hubs take me somewhere Tuesday.


End of rant........