First 100 :)

[Slowonder]

Triple digits. I couldn't picture myself here 101 days ago. All I knew was that vaping was making me hate myself and I wanted my own respect back. Quitting has been a big step toward that goal and I feel pretty good.

Why was this time different? I'm not really sure I ever really tried before to quit, really earnestly, but what I was scared of wasn't what turned out to be tough. I was afraid of physical pain like headaches and tooth grinding, and of being angry and gaining weight.

In reality, perhaps because I tapered using the patch, I didn't feel any pain, even when I went off nicotine altogether. I've gained two pounds in 100 days so I'm pretty sure that's not significant. Rather than anger I felt waves of despair. Sadness was my worst symptom. I still feel sadness near the surface (there is a lot going on in the world right now) but I try to just let the feelings flow through me and out now.

For me, when I did feel a big urge or emptiness around vaping I would try to sort of surrender to that feeling. Another way to describe it is as relaxing into that feeling, by taking a breath and purposefully releasing the tension in my shoulders. Acknowledging the emptiness over and over and choosing to accept it made it feel more manageable. It signified progress to me. Maybe that technique could work for others.

It also helped me a lot to read about how our brains heal after we quit. The articles seem to be pretty consistent on how long it takes for the number of receptors to return to normal in the absence of nicotine, at around one month. There is major light at the end of a short tunnel in that knowledge.

The two biggest things that led to me getting to 100 were first realizing at the beginning that this is what I want. To be addiction free. I even gave up caffeine. I'm there  And other is Ex. Talking to and learning from people who understand. You have made all the difference in the world! I thank you!