Slowonder

Day 26

Blog Post created by Slowonder on Apr 3, 2020

I associate smoking/vaping with guilt. I felt guilty and rebellious the first few I smoked. I felt guilty as my career grew and it seemed like almost no one smoked anymore, and I'd be puffing on my way in to work but not right by the building in case coworkers or bosses would see me and then scrambling to wash my hands and chew my gum.

 

I feel mildly guilty about using the patch. It's first thing in the morning here and I've been waiting an hour to put one on each day after I get up and it's been about 40 minutes. But I forgot I didn't have it on for a minute and thought about vaping but then felt fine about not doing it because I have the patch on, only I don't. The pinch of guilt came in the moment I thought I had it on, like I am cheating or fake-quitting. Since quitting vaping and up to today I didn't see the connection between guilt (is there anything worse for self esteem?) and vaping. Like, on some level I saw myself as a fraud and smoking/vaping is the proof. I hope I am able to feel more authentic as I move forward.

 

However, I'm on day 26. That's significant progress and overall I feel very good. Happy Friday, everyone. I can't wait to post next week when I reach 30 days. Have a great weekend!

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