Reason(s)

[Slowonder]

I haven't gone two weeks without smoking/vaping since I was a teenager. I'm 42 now. There are things that only other smokers will understand, like how two weeks could be such a long time. How two weeks could feel so different.

My biggest reason for quitting, main reason this time, my NORTH STAR of quitting is really simple: shame and self respect. I wanted to stop hiding in the bathroom to vape (I actually did this), stepping away from life to do something unhealthy. I was ashamed of my nicotine addiction, and I will be proud to have put smoking/vaping behind me. In my few past attempts I didn't view quitting as something I was giving myself, only something I was denying myself. No more.

The worst symptom for me so far is how emotional I am since quitting. Reading on this site about "stuffing" emotions was a revelation! That's me precisely. I'm the Thanksgiving turkey of stuffed emotions. This quit, and every other decision I'm making in my life right now, is about growing up and facing myself. It's about finally being who I say I want to be. But I had no idea how much of myself there was to uncover. 

Thanks for reading!