As I have shared previously I am a recovering addict. I dated my drug dealer and had my stuff delivered. And yes.. I paid for what I used.. well. A huge % of it anyways. I lost almost everything I had during my using days.. my pride... My dignity... My family.. money.. jobs.. friends.. u name it.. I tried my drug of choice first time at age 18. It kept me in it's grips until I was almost 41 years old. 23 years of my life I gave to my addictions. I had several.
I was drug into recovery by the exact same man who kept me loaded all those years. Took me to Narcotics Anonymous and showed me the way. I found an incredible sponsor with 28 years clean at the time who held my hand and showed me simple things I'd forgotten.
Like I'm worthy. I matter. She listened to my 5th step in complete awe... She pointed out I'm a survivor! And when I failed to a relapse.. she got down on her knees beside me and prayed a 1st step prayer with me.. and hugged me afterwards.
Step one in recovery is admitting I'm powerless over my addiction and my life is unmanageable.
This was tremendous to me.. ME??? ADMIT DEFEAT?? ME?? POWERLESS??
Not what I was taught growing up.
According to the book of daddy... (Lol)
I AM A CECIL.... IMINOT CONCEITED.. IM CONVINCED.... I DON'T FAIL IF I NEVER STOP TRYING
ECT.ect.ect. Blah blah blah
I had the best parents and the bbes childhood. Nothing was perfect but we had it pretty damn close. But.. we weren't allowed to fail.
Giving up my life in drugs.. I have become a strong loving God fearing woman whom feels truly blessed to have survived. That's why I say I wanna live to 125! I healed my liver up from Fibrosis diagnosis at age 44.. to healed and healthy at 48. I only hope my lungs will recover so quickly and strongly.
I have officially bought my last pack of Marlboro today. Tuesday is my quit date! Yeeehaaawww!
I only had 3 Wednesday. 3 Thursday.. and ok.. I had 6 today! But.. hell it's Friday after all. Lol
I took off work Tuesday so I have no pressure on my Quit date. And I can spend the day in prayer if need be! Lol
God help us all! Lol
I've never had one moment of regret Quitting drugs. I'm sure I'll find peace once I beat this monkey off my back too
I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!