I have to start over :(

Blog Post created by SaraPeach on Sep 23, 2018

I hate to be one of "those people" who seems to keep relapsing. During my quit 9 years ago, I will admit "those people" annoyed me. I guess now I am one of them. I was on day 13 or 14 and I was talking to my abusive ex again and my plans for my big vacation fell through with my friends and he offered to go with me. Well, the day before we were to leave, he became really evil again and I was so upset I felt suicidal and I bought cigarettes. I smoked for 1.5 days and then quit for 6 days while on vacation. Had no cravings. He made the vacation incredibly stressful and I won't get into details online, but when we got back home things escalated and were really, really bad and I again bought cigarettes. I can't even remember if I bought them yesterday or Friday. I think it was Friday. They did not even make me feel better at all this time. I've actually felt nauseous and yesterday felt extremely sick in the afternoon and then slept for 12 hours, which I never do. So, I have to start over. I don't want pity or sympathy, but felt like i should post in case anyone was wondering what the heck happened to me. I feel like an idiot. And I am scared my ulcerative colitis is going to flare up again or perhaps already is now (the nausea and I have had a few other potentially related symptoms). I really have to stop talking to this ex altogether because he is the one who stressed me out so bad in the first place that I threw away my 9-year quit.