RachelN

I feel like a failure!

Blog Post created by RachelN on Sep 2, 2018

I've been doing great with my quit.  I started moving my body this week and stop with the eating non stop to compensate for not smoking.  I've had a great week.  Tonight my husband talked me into going to a cook-out with our friends.  I've missed my friends but they are smokers and I've not felt ready to be around smoking.  I said yes, okay, I think I'm ready.  After we ate, I drank a beer.  As the night went on I drank another beer and when my husband went out to the garage to look at a car, like a child I snuck a cigarette.  He came out and saw me and pulled me aside and tried to encourage me to not let it go any further. I smoked three more after our conversation and drank two more beers.  I feel like a failure.  I've made it over a month and now I'm back to square one.  What the heck is wrong with me.  My mind has gone right back to smoking.  I have had to stop myself from buying a pack and just saying to heck with this quit.  I'm not!  I'm not!  I'm not smoking any more.  I'm a complete mess right now.  I doubt sleep will find me tonight and I deserve to feel awful about myself!  My quit day is now tomorrow.  Please pray that I finally beat this stupid, nasty, disgusting, filthy devil that is constantly on my shoulder.  I hate this!  

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