Almost through hell week! In honor of my commitment and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, putting words to work to recognize some feelings and express some gratitude.
Yesterday was much better than Tuesday, with fewer cravings and a better ability to redirect myself when encountering triggers. The office was quiet and I got a lot done.
Today has had ups and downs. Backstory: I have a rescue dog with pretty severe separation anxiety. It's under control most of the time thanks to lots of training and exercise, but occasionally it's still an issue (to the point where leaving him alone puts him at risk for injury, even in a crate). To prepare him for some alone time while my partner and I attend Thanksgiving elsewhere, we took a very long walk, fed him a big meal and relaxed with him to get him to settle in. Just as we went to leave, a huskie in our neighborhood, who is an infamous escape artist, showed up in the yard. My dog lost his mind, started howling and trying to claw his way out of "his room" and couldn't settle down.
Currently, I am laying in bed with a panting beagle laying across me while my bf heads to dinner on his own. I'm hoping dog boy will settle enough that I feel ok joining the fam for dinner, but it may just not be meant to be.
Normally I'd be vaping through this frustration. It's weird to not have that coping mechanism available to me, but just now I found that my first impulse was to suck on a straw, not to throw the dog in the car and drive to the gas station for a new Juul. For that, I am grateful.
I am grateful to myself for choosing not to smoke or vape for nearly 6 days in a row and I am grateful to this community for the advice and support that is so easy to come by here. Whether you're happily filling yourself with mashed potatoes, anxiously chewing on a plastic straw in a family member's bathroom, or home alone with an anxious beagle, Happy Thanksgiving!