Thanks to the Elders around here..... I KNEW, WHAT TRIGGERED MY 1ST. EVENT IN NML....
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND, if not so Blessed to have had material
provided by others here to give me an Idea what this stretch of the journey could LOOK like!!!!!
MARCH 13,2018-My 1st. trip to Bismarck for restocking the house. The dental appointment for routine
maintenance. Information on options for a partial, my lower jaw needs to be able to chew efficiently....
(This is why we were in the capitol city.....) After the dental,a few scattered errands around town. We stopped
for a nice lunch.... Really our supper and our lunch that evening would be a light meal. Anywho,I've side tracked
YOU MUST ALL BE SAYING,WHAT THE HECK? DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH HER QUIT AND NO MAN'S LAND????????????????
The Day ALL Started Downhill with Stopping to EAT!!!!! Something,I can do all day long, these days....We
were seated by a friendly hostess. Shortly after, a waitress came, took drink orders,while we surfed the menu.
The Drinks arrived: Jim's coco-cola was fine. My decaf Coffee wasn't even tepid! Jim flagged her down(by the way,she wasn't busy).....I said,"my decaf coffee is COLD!" SHE HUFFED BACK AT ME..."WELL, I'LL HAVE TO MAKE ANOTHER POT!" (I WAS BITING MY TONGUE AND JUST NODDED MY HEAD.) WHEN SHE WALKED AWAY, "I ask my hubby, is it Me? or was she Snotty???????????" Hubby said, it wasn't me,she has a poor attitude!
A FEW MINUTES PASSED,SHE RETURNS WITH A FRESH,STEAMING COFFEE.... So, I picked the mug up
and then sat it down again.... Rubbed my fingers together,picked up the mug again went to take a sip... my hands
were all sticky!!!!!!!! So I sit it down, start washing my fingers with a napkin and my water glass. I ask Jim to check out my mug and he does...... Well, she had taken our food orders and turned them in. When he saw her, he flagged her over....My wife's mug is covered with sticky stuff! She says, it feels like pancake syrup.....Now the waitress rolls her eyes, as she picks up the saucer and mug.....then she says,"I can see it's not clean. I'll get you another." (Turned out, someone had spilled the raspberry syrup, used to make raspberry lemonades. This syrup ran down a shelf and splattered on all the glasses and mugs on the rows below. She didn't charge us for the beverages) Being huffy and snotty was also free of charge...........
It was a scenerio, where if I had been carrying CIGARETTES without a doubt, I would have went outside and
Smoked...Maybe 1 or maybe 2 ?????? Under the surface, I was just Fuming!!!!!!!!!!! Our meal was excellent,we
paid and headed out to our very last Errand.... A major trip through Wallie World to Restock ..... Hubby rounded up his cat-foods and put them in our truck. Then began to look for me........He knew the list was very long. He was to bring an extra cart. He found me, I gave him a bunch of stuff to go find,while I continued to work on the long list I was shopping from.
He ask, "why I had so little of the list covered?" I had killed over 35 minutes with 2 other persons in the medicine,supplements,grooming part of the store. They now LOCK UP ALL NRTS!!!! While right next to them are everything, anyone would want for Colds/flu plus then all the Diet aids on the market!!!! Uppers and Downers,right next door to the patches,gum,lozenges to help a person quit........ After a person with a key did showed up, they took our products to lane 10..... Told when ready to check out, tell our cashier what product is being held for us. I shopped as quickly as I could. Then, we looked for a lane to check out.....
Now our turn to check out. My hubby had started unloading 1st. cart. I had went to get my NRT gum. The cashier informed me,we had to check out in Lane 10. I run get hubby,he throws stuff back into cart. I take the other cart and get in line. We start over ....I wanted that darn gum put up there first,after all the hassles to get some.
Cashier did ring that up first. Jim stepped in front of me, and started reloading the paid stuff into cart 1. I finished unloading cart 2........NOW, THE EXCITEMENT BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! LANE 10 IS WHERE YOU BUY CIGARETTES,DIP,CHEWING TOBACCO OR E-CIGS...........BEHIND THE CASHIER ARE THE 1/2 DZ. ROWS OF ASSORTED CIGARETTES. HERE'S WHERE THINGS WENT CRAZY FOR ME! MY EYES WERE SCANNING THOSE ROWS FASTER THAN TICKER TAPE ON THE WALL STREET FLOOR! "NIC-O-DEMON was not whispering, but yelling at Me! See that 1, not your favorite but you could do that one........ over there,better choice, you should snatch a couple of those....Just in case you need them! Someday soon, just one won't hurt!" Then there was 1 shelf that was Empty and then more smokes....... I WOULDN'T LET MY EYES LOOK ANY LOWER! I KNEW THAT BOTTOM CORNER WOULD HAVE MY BRAND, IF THEY WERE THERE AT ALL! I was playing with my credit card and hoping cashier was almost done!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim steps up there to pay the gal,while I grab 1st. cart and push it out of the way. We were on the way out of the store and I said," Did I look Nervous?" No,why???? "I thought,I'd jump out of my skin! I told him what went through my head. I thought, if I had been alone.....I might have thrown my Quit away or left the shopping and just walked out of the store!" Jim said, really, you looked calm and in control..... "I said, remember, you've spend your life with an Emotional Stuff! I can put any face on, that I need too, keeping someone or something from getting to me!" Because, Dad taught us Ladies Do Not Make A Scene Ever! No Matter What!
On the way home, I said, "I will not be doing any of that shopping alone!" Not yet! By the time we drove the 50 miles,unloaded. I put everything away,fed us and we cleaned up the kitchen........I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT,I HAD STUMBLED INTO THIS NO MAN'S LAND that BECOMEANEX.ORG taught me about! Before this site, I'd never heard of such a thing! IT IS VERY REAL AND VERY TRICKY! I WILL KEEP MY GUARD UP!!!! I WILL READ ALL THE ARTICLES I CAN ABOUT NO MAN'S LAND..........I have a LONG STRETCH TO GO,BEFORE I AM PAST THIS POTENTIAL BOMB!!!!!!!!! I REMINDED MYSELF, THAT I AM A CIGARETTE ADDICT!
MARCH 29,2018-UPDATE! MY REPLACEMENT PATCHES,GAVE ME SOME PROBLEMS WITH STICKING.
LAST SATURDAY NIGHT,my patch fell off in the shower. It was only a couple hours, until I would put a new patch on. So finished cleaning up,we had supper,etc.... I FORGOT ABOUT THE PATCH AND WENT TO BED WITHOUT ONE. I WAS SO EXHAUSTED,I SLEPT 12 HRS. Sunday brunch, then I realized I a big list of stuff to get started on. I was fine on Sunday,so I let it go to see how my body would respond. ??????? Today is
Thursday, I still haven't had a Patch on!!! I put them in the drawer and will see how this continues to go?????
I CAN ANNOUNCE THAT I AM ONCE AGAIN, GOING THROUGH A MAJOR STRETCH OF TOTAL EXHAUSTION........I AM STILL CALM INSIDE MOST OF THE TIME............
I have chewed since last Sunday, a piece of gum here and there. When in a situation, where I was totally frustrated! Driving to our small little town to buy smokes wasn't going to help. I chewed a piece of gum,did deep breathing and went on with my day........There have been 3 days, I didn't have any gum either. While that made me Happy! Do I think I am out of the woods???? I wouldn't say that! I AM DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GUARD AND PROTECT MY QUIT! THIS IS A JOURNEY!!!!!!! I DO NOT KNOW, WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING???????????
SATURDAY OUR DAUGHTER IS HAVING EASTER AT HER HOUSE. BOTH SETS OF GRANDPARENTS WILL BE THERE. We only have 2 grandchildren who are older than their 1st. cousins. I DON'T DO noisy children well anymore! They get on my Nerves! Our daughter's home is very large. It is going to be very cold on Saturday. Told hubby,if I disappear....I've went to find a quiet place away from the noise. Since, I haven't announced my quit yet, told hubby to just tell our daughter....I needed some Quiet, that this cold weather here is still causing me big issues..........That is the Truth.... I don't want to get Snappy with any of the younger kids, who sometimes are really good and other times not so good.........TOMORROW, I MAKE THE DESSERTS FOR SATURDAY.......I've
developed a habit with this journey to have something for dessert. (Where I used to smoke after supper,
until I called it a day!) I go to bed earlier, than I've ever done. I do not get up as early as I used too. Seems my body needs all this rest to process such major changes. I am fortunate, that I am my own Boss and do not punch a time clock! Hubby is pitching in, where I feel, I need extra help.
Prairie 52 DOF