PRAIRIEROSELADY

PRAIRIE'S JOURNEY TO FREEDOM

Blog Post created by PRAIRIEROSELADY on Feb 11, 2018

TODAY IS DAY 5! On One Hand that is: Unbelievable, on the other, it is: FANTASTIC!!!!!

This Journey is ALL about becoming free of an Addiction, I have been bound to for 45 yrs.

The Choices I am Making, Affect the Outcome of My Personal Journey. Took ME until 2017

to say out loud: "SMOKING IS AN ADDICTION".  I'm NOT saying my mind didn't know this.

I haven't lived under a Rock for my Entire Life! I told myself, all the lies Addicts tell themselves.

Somewhere in my Mind, was always this is LEGAL...not some drug brewed in a garage or abandoned building. I'm 1 of those who tries to live by God's guidance, laws of the land and be a decent

human being. I only say that because; PART OF MY SELF TOLD LIE WAS: I AM NOT HURTING

ANYONE, BUT MYSELF! Well, the LIGHT WENT ON 1 DAY and I REALIZED that wasn't TRUE!

I was ultimately going to hurt my family, as they watched me REAP THE HARVEST OF AN ADDICTION

OF MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. 

 

MY HUSBAND WAS A CHEWER... He Quit and Restarted, I do not even know, how many times????? I

DO KNOW it has been over 20 yrs.+ since that last time he quit. I mention this because; he has said "through the years that there are days when he could start again." Also has said, "if he bummed a chew,

he would be in town buying his own,as fast as he could get there." I was always shocked when he would say so.....My Mind would go into a SECRET PANIC! Saying, "You mean,I can Never Ever have another smoke?

I would just plain FREAKOUT!"

 

This QUIT is different from those of the PAST! I can Now Accept the N.O.P.E. mantra. "Not One Puff Ever!!!!" Accepting that Means, I have to Rewire my brain! I've always been an Emotional Stuffer! My smokes were my best friend. What kind of friend wants to do their BFF in ????? I Thank God everyday

that He led me to this Site. The VERY BEST, I've ever found!!!! This site, gave me the Courage to begin

planning a NEW QUIT. I've tried to Quit off and on, for the past decade. I spent the Better part of 

2017 gathering information and trying to figure out why I was a PRO at CRASH AND BURN at 3 months. Then so defeated, it would send me back to smoking. I'd smoke more than before. I hated myself, that I was so weak.

 

I know as the seconds, minutes, hours, days are Passing....I am CHANGING from the inside out....I WONDER if Hubby will like the New Woman with a new Personality??? This morning slept in once again. 

I felt more rested, as I've done so the last few days. I've never been a morning person. I hit start on the coffee-pot,opened the patio door for Mazy to potty. Sat down and took my BP. It was down again!!!

In a Healthy Zone before my medication. 122/73/67 The 1st. 3 days, I didn't see a whole lot of change.

The last 2 days I have seen fantastic improvements. I am using NRT's, as I'm not strong enough for the cold Turkey. Been there and done that. I'm breathing better, more deeply. My sinuses and allergies are better. I've been here since I got out of bed, I'm suppose to be retired...so How I spend my time is my

choice to make. I found some saying this morning that gave me strength. I found trying to Help another

EX also Helps me.... I started my journal here.

 

I will try to back up later and take the highlights from my paper journal. I'm learning so much about myself, so quickly, I am sometimes overwhelmed! I spent a lot time here yesterday, as I did laundry on the side all day...I NEEDED THAT, as a few cravings Tempted Me....I didn't Throw my Quit Away....

I do think, All the preparation for this quit is why, I Feel so much Stronger, than in past attempts to Quit. One of the EX. members told me, Baby Steps....Yes, there are a lot of Baby Steps ahead of me and in the new life I am choosing to have. Well, time to get cleaned up and walk with Mazy. It's 11 a.m.

and our Sr. Community has a luncheon, followed by a Ropa Fashion Show. Be back later...

 

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DANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

 

 

THANK YOU FELLOW EX MEMBERS.... I gotta tell you, DO NOT TAKE A SMOOTH STRETCH as I AM SAFE NOW!  Sitting at the luncheon and fashion show, out of the blue I had a craving and wanted to run out of building to have a smoke at smoke station! I have no idea what triggered that! I grabbed my little piece. of petrified wood and starting turning it in my hand. Stuck a Cinnamon hard candy in my mouth!!!! Arrived back at my park model and was already chilled as a cold front rolled in...I put decaf on and oh Lord, did I want a cig. when thinking about the big weather change. What it usually does to me physically!!!! I AM NOT STANDING OUTSIDE ON MY DECK TO FEED THAT ADDICTION! IT IS WINDY AND FRICKING COLD OUT THERE.!!!!!!!  N.O.P.E.  I do not want to be a DOPE!!!!!

Outcomes