Wow! This website has changed a lot since I last logged in! I like it!
So I started smoking again after mom died in April and tried to quit a couple times between here and there, but I've now been 17 days smoke free! I don't know how to update my profile stats (but I did the ones from the main becomeanex.org site so maybe it'll aggregate here?)
Life has been throwing so many obstacles my way, but I feel like I can get through it without cigarettes. The cravings are still there, but I'm doing a good job of getting through. Since I last posted, my partner and I took on a foster kiddo whose had a really rough time, I've been diagnosed with pre-diabetes, and I've had intense PCOS related health issues. Needless to say, it's been rough. I can't even dig into some ice cream to take the edge off (unless it's halo!). It helps that my partner stopped smoking too, and my step son has asked us both to stop because he's worried about us. I've been doubling down on my self-care regimen- regular meditation, exercise, sleep, drinking lots of water. I went and bought some nice hand lotion, so my fingers smell good (and not like nicotine!).
But I went 5 years without smoking before I relapsed, so I know I can do this again. I am doing this 
I've made it 17 days!
So I wrote some affirmations that helped me get through the first couple of days and I thought I'd share these here, in case anybody needs to read it like I did:
First Day Affirmation
I continue my healing journey, joyously.
This is a gift to myself, a gift of healing, of self-love, of kindness.
This week, it’s okay to survive, but my goal is to thrive, and this is a step towards thriving.
I will stay hydrated. I will soften around my inner criticism. I give myself a break.
When an obstacle comes up, I will take a few deep breaths and recognize an opportunity to learn more about myself and the world around me.
I am human. I make mistakes, but I dedicate myself towards doing better and being better.
I can do this.
I am doing this.
I am proud of myself.
Second Day Affirmation
Here I am, already two days into my healing journey.
It’s a little rougher today, my body feels a little shaky and the headaches have started, but nevertheless, I know I can do it.
Now is the time to remember that I am doing this for me, for my health & wealth.
I’m giving myself the gift of healing, and that’s so powerful.
My body is hurting, but that’s because it’s working hard to heal the damage I’ve done to it.
I acknowledge and own my actions. I forgive myself and give my body the time and space it needs to get better. I support my progress.
I am human. I make mistakes, but I dedicate myself towards doing better and being better.
I can do this.
I am doing this.
I am proud of myself.
Third Day Affirmation
I acknowledge that I don’t feel great today. Truthfully, I’m anxious and scared.
But I know that these are just clouds and the storm will end, and I’ll have a clear sky again.
I feel sad, but I’m still taking care of myself. I can still take my meds, use my patch, and brush my teeth, go to work. When I am kind to myself, that builds my resilience and helps me weather this storm and other storms to come. Today, I will focus on gratitude and kindness, because those feelings feel good and warm my heart, despite how heavy it is. I’m thankful for my job, for my wonderful coworkers new & old, for gentle sir Nugget whose butt was waggling at a million miles an hour this morning, for my partners and all their love, I’m grateful for my earnest, endlessly sweet, goofy step son, for our new friend W and all the energy she brings to our household, for payday (hello Wednesday), for insurance. Okay, that feels good. I have so many reasons to be grateful and not a single one of them is a cigarette. It's okay to be here with these feelings, even when they're hard.
I dedicate myself towards doing better and being better.
I can do this.
I am doing this.
I am proud of myself.
So anyway... don't worry, I'll stick close ❤️ It's good to be back on the wagon!
