Hi all,
I am 46 and have been smoking since for last 26 years. I have tried to quit many times in the past following the cold turkey method and after 1 or 2 months will start again and then fall into a relapse. Every single time I said to myself that I can quit easily, I am not like other addicts and was cheating myself. I also created circumstances also for me. I never ever smoke in my home in front of my family. I work long hours , go to work early and come home late so that I can smoke. Also during weekends, I find various reasons to go out for extended hours primarily to smoke and every time I smoked I smoked like three to four cigarettes back to back .I smoked around 15 cigarettes a day. I did not know when the next opportunity will be because Smoking was a big thing for my wife and I knew it will cause tensions in the family. I feel very ashamed to say this,.. but I was not only cheating my wife and kids but myself too. My wife always had her doubts but I always said something or other but eventually she confronted me . This caused even more issues because she now thinks she does not know well at all and wonders what else I am hiding. I realized that I have become a slave to the "NicoDemon". I quit on January 20th cold turkey. It was going well and in a moment of weakness I started again on February 1. This time I did not want it go into a relapse. After smoking three cigarettes back to back , I felt bad and ashamed. That particular day was a really bad day at work and nothing went well. It was stressful. I realized that that I am justifying myself and Life is always going to be challenging and smoking never helped solve the problem.
I started my quit again and today is day 5. The Cravings are bad, I have not slept for the past 2 days but I am determined not to give up. Discovered this blog by accident and this is a very great site. I can learn from the experience of others.
Every time when I came to 1 month of no smoking, I get easy and tell myself that "After all I am not an addict, how else could I have gone without cigarettes for 1 month" and pretty much this has been the story for last 20 years.
Now I know that quitting is one thing but continuing the quit process and staying clean is the challenge. Next time I am in a stressful situation I have a plan on what to do. I decided that I will get an Ice cream bar and suck on it. I am not where I should be on the weighing scale , so I am going to reward myself with an ice cream during stress ful situations. I also downloaded a couple of apps to do breathing.
I sincerely hope that this will be my last quit and I hope the cravings subside. The cravings are more intense and last longer this quit., may be it is the "Nicodemon" trying to play tricks. I realized battling "NicoDemon" is like a waging a guerilla warfare. it is not a conventional face to face fight where you can vanquish the opponent. The "Nicodemon" lurks in the background and waits for a vulnerable moment to strike you and it is for these moments that I have to be ready for and urge everyone else also to looking out.
This is my first blog and very lengthy one too. Sorry.
Peace !
