Good morning everyone, hope everyone is doing fine.
All day yesterday I was having a war with myself. I had only a few cigarettes left in the pack... so do I just go get more. After all it isn't quit day yet. Or maybe I could just run out and that's it. Boy, what a knock down, hair pulling, kicking and screaming fight I had going on in my head all day. The only good thing was that I made the few cigarettes last the day.
But I got up this morning and grabbed a pack first thing. What went through my head this morning was the need after such an awful night of no sleep. I watched the inside of my eyelids all night. I needed the morning to feel normal.
So what is the right answer? Should that had been it, done, no more ever? And change the quit date?
I have tried to quit each time I would come to the end of a carton of them. I'd say for the last five years, ya see this is by no means the first time trying, I just keep failing! I think that is why I got another pack, I needed to put it off and try to prepare for it this time. I guess I see this as my last try.
I should be so afraid of what it has already done to me that I would have no trouble stopping.
Anyway right or wrong, I will be smoking while I read everything I can on not smoking. I will do all I can to prepare for it this time. The need is great, times running out, none of us is getting any younger. I will do this!