Revelations

[MichelleDiane]

As I move further ahead in my quit there are many things being revealed to me.  They aren't earth shattering, but important.  I was always worried to count the days because I felt that I would be jinxing myself.  I now see this as faulty thinking.  Not wanting to count the days mean that I might not be committed to my quit.  What if I realized that I was over 2 months smoke free and I had an overwhelming urge to smoke and I started again?  That was not smober thinking.  Rather, now I am starting to wake up in the morning and realize that I am an ex-smoker.  There are actually new routines and patterns I have developed to help me engage in a full life.  I wake up, have one cup of coffee instead of two because I can have a cup later if I choose, I drive hubby to the station, pass gas stations and 7/11's without fearing I will walk into one and purchase a pack because I have other things to do, morning meditation, pledging on ex, eating some breakfast, getting ready for work, feeding my fish and my dog, straightening up the kitchen, and getting on the highway to go to work.  Things may vary a little, but I have rituals now that do not include smoking.  I do have thoughts of smoking, but most of the time I am dismissing them and go on to do something else.  I have also done some reflection about people relapsing or slipping.  The general consensus from the Elders is that a person needs to start at day one in order to hold themselves accountable or what is to prevent them from doing it over and over again.  This leads me to the most heartfelt part of my blog.  I would not only be letting myself and my family down, but I would be letting all my newfound friends at ex down.  Even though we connect through this cyber community I hold you in my thoughts every morning when I go to work and other times in my day.  I consider you my friends and a friend doesn't let another friend down.  I feel part of.  Thank you and have a super day.

-Michelle