This morning I find myself frustrated. For the past two days or so I have been battling myself. I am trying to reignite my quit commitment. I suppose NML is taking it's toll on me. I have read and re-read and know that this is my forever quit. Interesting that last night as I was caught up in a smoking thought a commercial came on that brought me back to the reality that I want to be free and healthy. I am not sure if others have seen it, but it is probably the most profound quit smoking commercial that I have ever seen. It portrays people saying things like "I can't get moving without my morning cigarette" and then a counter person comes on wearing an oxygen tube saying, "I can't even take a step without my oxygen". Another person said "I can't quit because I will gain weight" and the other person who was wearing a kerchief on her head and was emaciated said, "I've lost 25 pounds", etc. The last one was the most unsettling. A guy driving in a car said "I can't quit" while a doctor in a MRI booth said "I can't operate." Wow, it that doesn't hit you in your head and say what are you thinking than I don't know what will get through to me. I think that these come on to continuously remind me of why I am quitting, yet I am going to my tool kit more than I did a month ago. It's just frustrating. I know I will keep moving forward, but I wanted to vent my frustration. Today, I started off by showering, taking the daily pledge, and doing my 15 minute meditation with my Calm app on my phone. I am going to be going out soon and plan to give myself a treat by buying a couple of more fish for my tank. I will be receiving the next book to the series I am reading, and will take my two mile walk. I have plenty to do and am grateful. I wish my mind would catch up with my determination and desire for good health. I will restore my patience and accept this challenge at this point in time knowing nothing is forever. Thanks and have a great day.
Oh by the way. For those who know my battle with 7/11. I had to get milk on my way home from work last night and was thinking about where to stop and get it. In my mind struggle of knowing that there is a 7/11 on every block in America I didn't think about going to the CVS close to my house. Well, I could have circled around, but I just wanted to get milk and go home. I pulled into the parking lot of a new 7/11 (it was right there when I snapped out of my "why didn't I think of CVS earlier". I took a deep breath, went into the store, walked right to the refrigerator section, took out a gallon of milk, walked to the counter, did not stare at the cigarettes, took out $3 to pay, said have a good night, and walked out of the store straight back into my car. I consider that a great achievement as well as another fear I have conquered showing me that I can and will do this.