Very Rough Morning

Blog Post created by MichelleDiane on Feb 19, 2018

I cannot understand my 50th day smoke free.  This morning I woke up angry and tired (both are not good things to be when you are on your journey).  I didn't really know why, but the nicodemon was strong an unrelenting.  At any point I thought I was going to lose it, but I came to this site and decided to read.  I came across a blog written by Sandi4 on her 50 days.  It gave me much food for thought, but still I could not shake what I was going through.  Nothing was working.  All of my tools were failing me and I couldn't understand why.  I drank water, I meditated, I prayed, I went on this site, I sat down with my dog (I call her my healing dog), and everything else.  Still no relief.  I decided to get dressed and get out the door.  I didn't even make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I knew something was amiss.  I passed many stores that I could have gone into, but I just couldn't do it.  I called my husband from the road (handsfree) and told him about my frustration and fear.  "How could I even want to smoke?"  "How was I going to get through this?"  "Why is this happening right now?"  Not one answer.  He told me everything would be okay.  I didn't believe it.  Then it melted away.  I don't know how, but the anger left me.   The voice in my head died down.  I am at work right now ready to engage in my day.  I am grateful beyond measure.  I didn't smoke.