I got my head back in the game. After reading the comments on Shawn's blog my head is back in the game. I've been planning my day one practically since I relasped with no thought in it no energy which caused me to fail. Today is different im recognizing those thoughts and telling them NOPE!
The reason I jump right back in is I know if I continue smoking it'll become a part of my life again I will grow to NEED them like I used to with every emotion and every move I make I would NEED to light up thats something I definately dont want.
Why did I do it in the first place? Obviously theres a door somewhere thats not completely closed im thinking on that now trying to figure out where the crack in the door is thats left. The reason I did it this time, I was tired like dragging through each day tired (thats no excuse) but thats the lie I believed in the moment that somehow my days would become brighter my stresses would be lighter even for just that moment.
My depression is at an all time high its been like that for a while and I know now that smoking isn't making it better. Even now as I get through this day smokefree im still at a low state. Thats an excuse I wont have anymore I know I can get through this without smoking. I also believe that smoking made it worse.
Its alot going on...but smoking will no longer be a part of it.