I mentioned "lighting up" everytime I think about him and the breakup. After lots of thinking I found my alternative.... journaling! Instead of "numbing" the pain and hurting myself more in the process im going to allow myself to feel every ounce while putting it on paper. I know now that feeling is the key to healing. I texted him last night and I know that I cant force him to care about how much he hurt me so instead of texting him I'll write it down because I CARE and my journal and God care. I have to accept that's all that matter from here on out.