Maryangela

Mad Quitter!

Blog Post created by Maryangela on Jun 10, 2017

So, I started smoking after an eleven year quit.  There were days in those eleven years that I wanted to smoke more than just about anything.  I would look at the clock at work and say to myself,"thirty minutes more and then I'm going to get a cup of coffee and a cigarette".  And then I would think, "geez, I haven't smoked in eight years, or nine years", or however long it was at the time! I would actually feel a little sad, mad or even cheated.  I'm not sure how exactly to explain how I felt, but I know I wanted a cigarette.  Back then I quit because I'm a type two diabetic and I had read that the single best thing a diabetic could do for themselves was to quit smoking, so I guilted myself into quitting.  I had a very young child and I felt so guilty that I would intentionally do something that I knew was awful for my health.  Well, eleven years later, I started smoking again and with a vengeance!  I had absolutely no idea how out of control I had become until I quit.  This quit is for cosmetic surgery that I've wanted for several years. Since my quit, I've gained around 10 pounds, which defeats the reason for my cosmetic surgery!  Honestly, I'm quite pissed about the weight gain!  And, I'm pissed because once again I feel like I've had to quit, not wanted to quit. I couldn't have the surgery, which does cause me some medical issues, unless I quit smoking.  I'm at Day 33, and I feel fat, frustrated, stressed and I'm concentrating on the desire to want to smoke way to often!  I honestly think I've gotten a cavity since my quit, I can't stop sucking on suckers and hard candy, sugar free gives me upset stomach.  My entire disposition has changed since my quit.  I'm sleeping a lot, I'm eating a lot and I'm obsessing a lot(about smoking).  I'm NOT looking for sympathy, I'm just venting, I'm rarely ever this mad, but I'm extremely mad about this quit! 

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