So here's the cold hard truth. I feel like I've been lying to everyone, even myself! I didn't quit smoking because I know it's a STUPID thing to do, or because I love myself enough not to intentionally hurt me, or because of the hundreds of dollars that I was burning every month. And to be honest, I didn't quit smoking because I was ready, or because I was taking valuable time from my family to smoke. I didn't quit because my addiction was growing more and more severe, to the point of only getting an average of five hours of sleep a night due to wanting to smoke as long as possible. I didn't even quit because my 15 year old daughter worried daily about loosing me to cancer!
I quit because I'm having a tummy tuck in July and my surgeon asked if I used any nicotine and I said no. This was on a Friday, on Monday I laid them down. I want to smoke daily, actually I want to smoke hourly, if there was a "minutely" I want to smoke "minutely"!
Because of this, I'm feeling anxious daily about starting again after surgery. I will have 13 weeks of FREEDOM before I would allow myself, once again, to try to commit a slow and horrible death by tobacco. But everyday, instead of counting my days of freedom, I count how much longer until I can get a pack!
This sickness "ain't no joke"!
