On shaky ground!

Blog Post created by Maryangela on Jun 1, 2017

So here's the cold hard truth.  I feel like I've been lying to everyone, even myself!  I didn't quit smoking because I know it's a STUPID thing to do, or because I love myself enough not to intentionally hurt me, or because of the hundreds of dollars that I was burning every month.  And to be honest,  I didn't quit smoking because I was ready, or because I was taking valuable time from my family to smoke.  I didn't quit because my addiction was growing more and more severe, to the point of only getting an average of five hours of sleep a night due to wanting to smoke as long as possible.  I didn't even quit because my 15 year old daughter worried daily about loosing me to cancer!  

I quit because I'm having a tummy tuck in July and my surgeon asked if I used any nicotine and  I said no. This was on a Friday, on Monday I laid them down.  I want to smoke daily, actually I want to smoke hourly, if there was a "minutely" I want to smoke "minutely"!  

Because of this, I'm feeling anxious daily about starting again after surgery.  I will have 13 weeks of FREEDOM before I would allow myself, once again,  to try to commit a slow and horrible death by tobacco.  But everyday, instead of counting my days of freedom, I count how much longer until I can get a pack!  

This sickness "ain't no joke"!