My Quit Journey; Starting Over

Blog Post created by Marigene6266 on Aug 26, 2020

I've reset my quit day  for tomorrow.  I am committed to doing this, I need to quit for my health even if there were no other reason.  I have had COPD for more than 10 years, those of you who also deal with this debilitating condition know what its like just to breath. My blood pressure fluctuates, I was on medication for a few years because my doctor said he was protecting my kidneys. When he retired my new doctor said she did not want to put me on blood pressure medication yet because my diabetes has not caused any damage to my kidneys, YET. My smoking affects these issues just as much as it effects my lungs. That is just a few things that are affected by my smoking. All of you know that there is much more that is affected as well. My doctors have assured me that quitting smoking will improve my health in several ways. I will not heal completely but I will get better. I have already begun to see a difference. Yesterday was a bad day, as someone said in their reply to last night's post, it was the wait that got to me. When that type of situation happens my mind immediately goes to worst case scenario; when it involves my mom it is that something has happened, stroke, heart attack , a diabetic coma due to too high or too low blood sugars. What ever the reason, for me worst case scenario is a coma. If that happens, it is my responsibility to make the decision. She has a DNR in place in the state registry but a DNR is not always a necessary factor. I have no idea how to deal with that kind of anxiety, how to steer my mind away from that worst case scenario no matter what the situation . It's been a part of my immediate and uncontrollable reaction since I became an adult and even a few incidences when I was a teenager. Google calls it "Catastrophizing".   'It is what is known in psychology as a 'cognitive distortion' — a habitual and unconscious way of thinking that is not realistic. In this case it's a habit of negative exaggeration. Always assuming the worse case scenario, you will likely also turn little problems into big ones."  I tend to be calm, and in control during a crisis, only falling apart when that crisis is resolved. But of course that was when I was still smoking, yesterday I was at panic stage, I felt like I was moments away from hyperventilation and/or total collapse myself. I felt compelled to reach for that crutch. I know I sound like I'm making excuses, but actually I'm trying to explain my thought process in hopes that someone has gone through a situation like this or something similar and can help me learn how to retrain my brain away from that worst case scenario. I'm hoping there is someone else who has the same thought process and managed to overcome it.