For the most part I raised our kids by example. I also explained to them about consequences for their actions and how they would need to take responsibility for their own actions.
I also taught them about forgiveness. That there's never a good reason to be insulting to anyone. That they ( my kids ) may simply agree to disagree and move on. Yet if someone had hurt them and was sincere enough to make an amends, that they should forgive them. It did not mean they had to continue a friendship with them, it meant they would not have to feel as though they have to share their candy with them again....if you follow. The forgiving lesson was for them so that THEY could move on and not be held by a grudge they were harboring in their heart. If they were meant to be friends, they simply would be and they would feel in their heart if that was the case.
When my kids screwed up I didn't encourage the bad behavior but I did encourage the good behavior. Good behavior may have gained them more responsibility and freedoms in the long run but they received no reward for bad behavior. I loved them no matter what their behavior was but tangible rewards were saved for the horse shows or sporting events, when they won awards or trophies.
Good behavior was expected of them not earned. Bad behavior only increased their measure for our grounding them and incentive for me to make sure they understood why their behavior was unacceptable and teach them how they could grow from that experience so as to not be repeating it.
So what I am saying in regards to smoking is this. Many here have failed quits several times. I was one of them. There came a time in my failures that I knew darn well what I had to do and if I wanted this quit for myself to 'stick. I got serious about it, very serious. It had become obvious to me that MY QUIT METHODS were not working.
I learned so much from my Elders it was time to apply what they had been telling me. Let me share something with you....I STILL learn from them. Why do I care to? Because I want what THEY HAVE. I want to be the light they were for me. I want the Newbies to 'get it' and experience this beautiful smoke free life I have. I was fortunate enough to have Elders that held back the 'sweets' and drilled the lesson into me instead overdosing me with sugar.
Same was with my kids. Now they tell me..." Mom, I'm glad you didn't let me get away with 'xyz'....and it's clear to me now why you did what you did back then even though it really %^&$^#ed me off then.. We find ourselves saying the same thing you did back then to our kids and it's working. Thank you". ( Strong secure young men they are , they didn't get an overdose of sweets as kids, but they did get plenty of love and support)
If we would have given them 'hugs and kisses and candy and awww sweetie, its okay, you messed up' every time they messed up, we would not have the 2 great sons we have today that are hard workers, dedicated and responsible husbands, Dads and businessmen. No. They learned to develop a backbone from us , not a wishbone. Thats what I want the New people here to develop...a STRONG BACKBONE, not a wishbone.
Love and support comes in an array of fashion and MY BLOG here is to share mine. It served my family well and me . If it helps you, cool. If not, no worries. I am one of many who has opinions and I don't have to agree with yours anymore than you do mine. Cool Beans
Others have their way to teach, this is mine. No sugar and sweets for bad behavior. Just a FYI. Now...so you know. I am not pinpointing anyone. I'm just putting this out there. I also would not expect and sugar coated stuff for any bad behavior I am ever a part of . Whats good for the goose.....
PS~ Thank you to my elders for not feeding me sugar