Confession Time

Blog Post created by Mandolinrain on Apr 12, 2019



I DELETED YEARS AGO and regretfully so and choose to leave EX and decided this just was not my cup of tea. Now I am sorry I did this and I understand fully why I should not have. Nobody told me back then I would regret it, so I am telling you now.  


I was a Ex flunky. I was good at holding to my quit days at a time, then boom…right back to smoking. About a year of messing around before I decided to buckle down and truly get to know and understand the addiction I had. I had a kazillion things going on in my life back then, all good, I might add….but I NEVER spent the dedication to truly learning about my addiction. Therefore, I kept failing my quits. Many 'seeds' were planted in me here though.

I gave encouraging words out when I blogged as I was flopping around like a fish out of water. Now I regret to say…..I deleted most of them all long ago and I cannot bring them back. I wish I could . 


I wish I could just to show you how scared I really was. I feared I would never be able to make any decision if I could not smoke, I cried alot. I was angry.  Rage to be more direct. I covered up all my fears about quitting with pretty posts of things that were pleasing to me and God forbid you commented on my ‘pretty blog’ and told me to read a particular article. Nope, wasn’t for me. I was not having that. Who are you anyway??? I wanted your sympathy and understanding and for the longest time, I got it already......geese


Not in a bad way , no never......but it was clear I needed to truly buckle down and get serious about quitting. I had been caressed and 'enabled' long enough and it was time to rise to the challenge. I left. Yep, thats would fix them! HA! pooh on you! Au revoir , Auf Weidersehen- addio!!! Through, finished-DONE WITH EX!


I did come back, obviously, with a secure quit going I might add. I reintroduced myself and am fully committed to my quit and this community. The seeds driven into me  here , I finally watered and nourished and what do you know?.... They grew, they grew because I took the time to read many of my mentors OLD BLOGS and I saw their struggles and I began to understand how they became who they are today. Nicotine free. Living life with all the same ups and downs as the rest of the world yet, without a desire to smoke.


When I DELETED back then, it was fear talking to me. But because I made the poor decision to DELETE those posts, comments and all, you will never know the crap I put myself through. You can never learn from that and I am going to be forever sorry I dod that that.


Theres much to learn from our early struggles. Not just for us but for all of the new folks coming in.  You can look back and see how we made it….our struggles. See where are now if we stay long enough to give back....and how we have changed for the better.

 How our breakthroughs impact ,someones else's quit, you may never know, if you DELETE.


Now while I am getting all honest here , I did delete a blog I wrote, oh maybe 1 year or 2 ago? Regarding a health issue.? Had nothing to do with smoking and I truly should not have posted it out here anyway. I just want to be clear is all. I feel though, as now I am an Elder here, I owe this truth to you all. Some of you already know it. I felt it needed to be said. 



I surely hope this helps others to understand when we say 'don't delete'~Your words/comments may just be what another person needs to read that day to give them the courage to NOT light up

~or even yourself


With much love and respect~Missy