I had a recent discussion with someone about my smoking history and it provoked many thoughts after the conversation. Mostly I feel….I grew on my quit ~ rather than it growing on me.
I didn’t realize how much until I had this conversation. I am in a place of growth and I pray I always am.
Sometimes I still feel very vulnerable, not to smoking again, but to resisting or maybe just accepting certain things at certain times in my life. That can be good in itself or bad… the jurys still out on that but I will say its great to be open and honest about my prior ‘bad habit/nicotine”. I certainly don’t hold the royal grail of answers on how to quit but I can share my experiences and hope ….because thats all I have to offer.
We all have a different path to becoming non-smokers ( thats what I prefer to call myself now…)….a different attitude perhaps about ‘Slips’ and even the phrase ‘non-smoker’. Is it truly that big a deal? I had to think about it. I have been guilty of saying a slip is what happens when you fall on ice. Some will say a non-smoker is a person who never smoker…I am comfortable with my own perception of non-smoker. I don’t smoke. I don’t care much for labels anyway…..and have less respect for those who want label me. Therefore I decided I have been guilty….I have applied my own share of labels and now will look at things differently and not be so quick to to that.
So yes, I have grown on my quit. i continue to be in awe of the elders here and even the ones who are new here…some who still smoke but I KNOW they will be quit eventually. I learn from ALL of them. I don’t stay the same…..I want to be open minded. I may not be agreeable, but thats also okay.
When I was new on Ex I was learning to get my feet wet. I wasn’t ready to jump right in. I was cautious. Sometimes it pays to be cautious….sometimes you have to learn to trust.
I’m a praying kinda gal so I tend to lean on my faith and that will never change for me. It has brought me to this site and to all of you. It is the rock that ( my faith ) that keeps me in the pool but my head above water. It challenges me to not ignore but to be aware. Sometimes I have to take the swim goggles off to see clearer, but I have never been left to drown.
Staying quit for me has touched so many avenues in my life, I just can’t think of them all at once. I never realized how much the smoking habit effected so many areas of my life. It was the silent partner I never needed but was so sure I did. I’m glad to have ended that relationship ~ for good.
God Bless all of you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for me and allowing me to be a person of change as I journey on with my quit of 4 years and 2 months :)