I have not had one of these for along time, but last night.....I was puffing away, in my dream. I can't recall the whole dream but I do recall I was trying to hide it and I was dealing with death in the dream.
This morning I know why.
Our dear friends lost their 10 year old grand daughter in a ATV accident that happened this past Friday night. She passed early Saturday and we were at Notre Dame, so we weren't here for them. I have spent a lot of time in tears and prayers and more to come as her calling hours are Thursday and Burial Friday. I'm pretty sure that what brought on the smoke mere. Smoking would have been the first thing for me to reach for comfort for. So I did in my dream.
I have no desire to smoke. But the dream was a reminder.
Life is not going to stop happening because I choose not to smoke. But now I rely on God first in difficult times and my family and friends. They always give me the support and love I need to get through. I don't know why I ever thought the cigarettes would. Just another deceitful lie they fed me. But at one time...they were the first thing I would reach for. They did nothing for me. So glad I grew up and out and away from them and saw them for what they were.... Poison sticks.
Life goes on....my heart breaks for that family. Smoking will not heal my heart....time will. Its part of the process and we will all go through this at one time or another. We just don't smoke over it. Love you guys