Maki

I love you more

Blog Post created by Maki on Oct 20, 2020

When I think back to my smoking days , it's really what I was saying .  Cigarettes , I love you more . 

My kids hated my smoking and I truly loved my kids more , but did my smoking reflect that love . Hugs do , spending time with them does , but smoking does not . 

In reality I didn't love smoking at all , I was addicted and used it to cope , to validate myself , to boost an image I thought I lacked or wanted to be , or used to nurture myself , but the message to my kids was more than likely this ...

                                        Mom loves her cigarettes more than anything . 

When I sat in the garage protecting my kids from smoking , it was routine to them for me not to be around during that time  , to them likely the message they thought was she's addicted and she won't quit . She loves cigarettes more than me . 

Smoking is a selfish business . 

My kids asked me to quit because of love , but how does an addict see that ... as shamed, as nagging  ,as  taking my right away and my freedom to do as I like .

I can't tell you how happy I am that I quit smoking for my children and myself . 

Was it worth the hard work , the craves , the tears , the gut wrenching craves again to get through to the other side ?  You bet it was .

If you are still trying to quit , then do ; if you are quitting for the first time you can do it . Put your stubborn side to good use  

You are loved ..

             love yourself too ,

                        don't love your cigarette more . 

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