Lstout15

FREEDOM

Blog Post created by Lstout15 on Aug 3, 2017

   I've tried to quit so many times before and failed. It's hard. So hard. The hardest thing I've never wanted to do but knew I needed to do. My kids on a daily basis tell me how gross it is and how much they don't want to be around the smoke and that didn't stop me. Hot ash flying in the backseat of the car and hitting a kid in the eye made me feel like a lousy mom but still didn't stop me. thinking about trips, family or business, and planning how I would be able to sneak off for a smoke, and not wanting to go if it would be a problem didn't stop me. The fights I had with my husband over how if I would just quit, we could afford more things did not stop me. What stopped me was God. Through Him I finally found my freedom to quit. I got lucky I guess. I was asked to go to church camp to be on staff and knowing I would be gone for 6 days was a hard pill to swallow but I accepted. Then I was asked to go to a camp following that one for 7 DAYS!! I panicked alittle then prayed.  I prayed hard. The answer I got was it's time. The 18 hours I had between camps I smoked almost a whole pack. I felt worthless when I left for camp that day. I was scared the whole time knowing good and well I would come home and be back to reality and wouldn't stick to it. Iv'e been home for 5 days now and it hasn't been easy with it in my face at work all week been Iv'e never been more proud of myself. I smell clean, I look clean, I'm not chained by a little box full of cancer anymore. At camp, we did a breathing exersize, and I took an honest to God deep breath for the first time in a long time. I felt the air in my lungs. I don't cough all the time, I don't weeze, I can breathe. That my friends, is true Freedom.

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