I would like to start off by saying that I respect this site, the people, the sense of community, and most of all, a supportive place to go to.
It's hard for me to open up, but I Need to and also Want to. My reality is that I don't love and live for me enough to experience a successful quit. Smoking has been a crutch for so long. People treat you wrong...light up. No one is listening or caring...light up. It's been my friend/enemy for Too long. I want to do it for me, but I just haven't learned to love me enough. True, it is said do it for those you love, but I always fall into the thinking, "If they don't care, why should I" (concerning me).
I want to clarify that I'm trying to care enough for me, and that this is not a sob story. I'm just venting, trying to be real with myself and say it out loud, if that makes sense. I'm trying to think through it and talk through it. I've read blogs, and comments here, and said "This is what I need", a sounding board.
I Want to quit. I Want to care enough to quit. I Want to love me...for Me.
Does this make sense?
I'm overthinking this as I type. So many people have overcome these thoughts, why can't I? It makes me feel weak and less than. I have to at least try right? My mind is my worst enemy, "Light up, it doesn't matter"...well it will to me one day. (Even though I hate lighting up every time i do). Addiction is what it is, the definition of me is what I don't want it to be.
Thank you for your time.