Lisaml

It would be easy to relapse

Blog Post created by Lisaml on May 31, 2018

yall. 

I have had a day. Without going in to much detail, let me just say, ANGER and stress remain my triggers. My husband and I had a big old fight (it’s fine we have been married 22 years. We’re gonna fight).  

 

so I was mad as spit, went out to run a few errands and cool off. Do you know, I seriously considered buying a pack of cigs? Crazy after 140+ days. I circled the gas pumps like a cranky old vulture. Like my bad self was gonna go in and buy a pack, after nearly 5 months quit. 

 

But it I didn’t buy them, but ugh I could have. 

It got me thinking, what was I looking for? What are we ALL looking for when we break down and relapse? 

Was I looking for relief from the anger? For something familiar? To stifle my emotions?  

I thought about it all the way home. What did I think a smoke would provide me at that moment? 

 

Personally, I felt a little temper tantrum-y. Like I felt that smoking was the adult equivalent of stomping my feet or punching a wall. I expected some RELIEF. 

Kind of weird, right? 

But that’s where my brain was. Sometimes typing it out helps. 

Rest assured, I drove home and all is fine. I didn’t smoke, I don’t think I was ever in jeopardy, but it sure was a reminder that I’m still a baby quitter.   maybe a toddler. 

 

Protect your precious quits, my friends. And be nice to your spouses!;-) 

xoxo 

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