Beginning and Endings

Blog Post created by Lisaml on Mar 30, 2018

I've been travelling for the past week. Without going into great detail, I will just say this; inlaws, teenagers and really REALLY testing my quit. Here I stand, 82ish days smoke free, and really proud of remaining quit through some trying times. 

Ive never realized the connection between emotions and cigs before. I did not truly understand how I used them to avoid and escape uncomfortable or unpleasant situations. WOW is it raw without that crutch. BUT I made it. And now, returning home this evening, I will really have to fight the feeling that I'm missing a "reward" for my accomplishments.  I do know, I know deep down that health and freedom is it's own reward, but... I'm still feeeling things a little too viscerally. I want a prize. Again, it's the feeling of bookending thibgs with smoking that I feel I'm missing out. The beginning and the end. The celebratory smoke. 

Sigh. It's not gonna happen. I'm celebrating alright, but I suppose I'll do it without smoking. Slowly learning some new tricks. I really did want to blog tonight tho, and document the emotional escapism I've enjoyed with cigs, and how raw my emotions were without them. 

I often read people saying how they hid their emotions with smoking and I never truly understood it until this past week. 

Xoxox and peace to all!