It's not an easy fix

Blog Post created by Lisaml on Mar 21, 2018

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When I embarked on this quit, I didn't really think far in advance. I focused on "one day at a time", and kept my thinking in the short term.

I think I vaguely remember reading About NML, the 2 set of seasons etc, and freaking out.

It only seems proper, I guess, that ridding myself of this addiction takes a long time. I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I feel like lighting up at 72 days quit, or practically salivate at the smell sometimes.

Anyone can quit in the acute phase. The weekend, the (god forbid) hospital stay. What I'm finding tough, is this continued challenge of NML, and how it is still a daily conversation with myself.

Things that have improved :

1. Coughing is GONE. Most notably first thing in the morning. It was pretty bad before I quit. Probably flirting with developing chronic bronchitis.

2. Endurance. I'm not out of breath exercising

3. Vanity. Lines around my mouth and eyes have faded. My teeth seem brighter.

4. Stink. I'm no longer self conscious or worried about getting busted. (Closet smoker).

Things still irritating;

1. Coffee is not satisfying

2. Reward Center of my brain is still crying for attention. I don't know how to explain it- I feel unfulfilled.

3. CONSTANT thoughts of smoking. Not cravings, just memories and "pangs". bordering on obsessing. Why do I think about it all the time?!

There is NO going back to smoking.

I can't have "just one". The elders have taught me "they travel in packs". I know this to be true.

I suppose I'm just lamenting how difficult it is, and a word of caution to those who are just starting out; DO NOT let your guard down. Please hang in here for the long haul. And I'm beginning to realize more than ever that it really is a long haul.

Happy to be on this journey with you all.

Looking forward to reading this in a year and thinking "whew! Glad THAT mess is behind me"'

thanks for hearing me think out loud;-)

lisa xoxox

Outcomes

11 Comments

Lisaml Mar 21, 2018 10:23 PM
Well I didn't quite finish my thought....

add that to the list of things that get on my nerves. LOL. I'm very scatterbrained. BUT I don't think I can blame that on quitting;-)

as i was saying, it's easy to quit in the acute, short term. We can do anything if we know it's just for a day. Or just for a week...
What the challenge for me is, and I've talked of this before, is realizing that even though we have gone through the acute withdrawal phase, we are still so very vulnerable.FOR A LONG TIME. (Yes, I'm yelling). It takes a great amount of resolve, foresight, Self LOVE to meet this challenge, realize it's going to suck for a while, and tackle it.
So we can, I can, do that. Just don't kid yourself that youre gonna be "over it" after that first week. Or month.
Stay in the fight.
And brand new quitters, please don't freak out that it's going to be hard for months on end. Don't get me wrong, it's not. Most days are pretty okay! I'm seeing good things every day!!! But, it's not an easy fix at all.
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JACKIE1-25-15 Mar 21, 2018 10:30 PM
Hang in there. Our addictive brain wants us to believe that we need and want a cigarette but we don't have to have one in order to survive. We gradually learn to live life on life terms one day at a time. We end up very happily after without a stinkin sickerette. It gets easier but it just takes time if you never give up, or in. Hang tough....the best is yet to come. In a short time you will have that ah ha moment and really breathe and BELIEVE and KNOW that you got this and there is no turning back. It happened around the 80 something days for me. You will think of cigarettes but think of them as death sticks.
I remember once I had a thought of smoking. It was so vivid. I could almost smell and see the smoke, swirling around my face, in my nose and down my throat. I could feel the drag and I remembered the cut in my throat that would make me cough. In the vision I actually felt how terrible smoking really was. That was an awakening for me that I did not ever want to go back to. I shook my head to come out of this vision of smoking. My brain quickly say oh no. I was glad I had that thought, I truly remembered how it truly felt to smoke. One of the worse things I had done in my life. Not the lie that I had been telling myself. I truly saw it for what it was ....HORRIBLE. Sorry kinda wordy
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Jennifer-Quit Mar 21, 2018 10:56 PM
But its worth it.

I was a hard core, its my right to smoke, gonna die from something, kind of smoker.

The freedom and self worth that you gain from not smoking is so much more pleasurable than getting your nicotine fix.

Give it time.
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Sootie Mar 21, 2018 11:15 PM
Lisaml AND---you WILL read this in one year and be SO GLAD you hung in there! You can do this.....YOU CAN.
Stay Strong
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Kimshine Mar 21, 2018 11:36 PM
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm going to be here with you next year telling others that might sometimes be
hanging on by their fingernails that they will get past this too!
You're doing great!
Congratulations on your 72 days!
Kim
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- Lisaml @ Kimshine on Mar 22, 2018 11:19 AM
  YES!!! We will be laughing looking back at these days, a year from now. Thinking, "man, we nearly lost our minds...."
  
  Then we'll laugh and remember how tough it was, breathe a DEEP and clean breath and be so glad we did.....;-)
  then we will go spend our $$$$$ saved on something fabulous!!!!
  xox
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Giulia Mar 21, 2018 11:59 PM
You're in it or you're not. The more you can commit, the more you can agree with your choice, the more you accept the "whatever it takes," the sooner the journey will become easier. And that's really all Freedom is. It's when it's easy not to smoke. If they stopped manufacturing cigarettes tomorrow, you would not suffer as much because the choice would be gone. It's simply because your mind is fighting with itself. That's the only struggle. If there's no fight (because there's no option to smoke), you stop thinking about it pretty fast. Removing the option in our brain, helps to remove the psychological pain.
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crazymama_Lori Mar 22, 2018 9:15 AM
just remember it's not getting rid of the addiction, it's ACCEPTING it. As I always say know your foe and respect the beast. Most quits are lost when people think that they have this licked. it's simply something you don't do anymore. it's not part of who you are.

Reward center, think of things you really enjoy, a certain scent or a special treat of some kind, a latte or a slice of cake or something sweet that you can treat yourself with once a week. I did that for a year. Every week, I bought myself something. Wasn't very expensive but it was just for me. I also started doing my crocheting again and creating different designs and patterns. I'm learning new techniques and tunisian. My creativeness is my high.

The thoughts, oh, the thoughts, I found this article back when I was in the place you are now thereabouts and it made sense to me and changed my thinking around entirely, The more you know . there's some other articles to read on that site that deal with basically how the brain "recharges" itself.

We smoked for a lot of years and that's really all our brains knew how to function with life in general. It makes sense after the physical symptoms are gone, the brain is going, hey, wait a minute, why aren't I getting fed anymore. We have to teach ourselves to deal with stressors of everyday life differently. But the key is consistently doing the same thing over and over for each "thing" we're dealing with. I click a pen when I'm frustrated. Before too long, we find ourselves thinking about where is that pen when we're frustrated instead of that's it, I'm smoking. I can't do this anymore. We make a conscious choice not to smoke but find that darn pen.

To be honest with you, I still have moments where I think to myself, you know, why don't you go and just buy a pack and be done with it. Those are my gloomy days. But I stop, drop and roll. well, I don't roll because I wouldn't be able to get back up. But I stop myself and think, well, this situation will come around again. it will have to be dealt with again. Perhaps not the same situation, but similar. Figure it out. I've got a lot of nonsmoking friends and I've asked them how they deal with certain stressors in the day or how they deal with the restlessness. Their answers back are so simplistic that I go to myself, well, why couldn't I have thought of that in the first place.

The fogginess, the scatterbrainness (that could be a new word) drove me insane. I don't have a physical job. Mine is mental and geared toward detail. The first 5 to 6 months I was constantly rechecking my work. Around 150 days, it was like the clouds cleared. I know I did increase my Omega 3's and added an additional B12 5,000 mcg. that helped immensely.

I wrote something on here awhile ago that tracked my NML up to day 317 Just for you newbies and those in NML (No Man's Land) . You'll see a lot of similarities at some points during that year. Just remember that your brain is rejuvenating itself and those receptors are dying off. another blog I wrote when I was about 6 months into it Hey, someone forgot to recharge this. I had a stranglehold on that cigarette for the longest time. Dragging it around. Now I just giggle about how obsessed I was. Hang in there. Expand your thirst for knowledge. You're doing fantabulously !!!!
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- Lisaml @ crazymama_Lori on Mar 22, 2018 11:22 AM
  Lori, I'm pretty sure you are my spirit sister. You summed up everything I feel. Xoxox
  thank you!!!!!!
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  - crazymama_Lori @ Lisaml on Mar 22, 2018 12:11 PM
    we're very much alike in our quits. Please feel free to read from the very beginning of my journey and please contact me with any problems or concerns or perhaps even direction you need when you feel you're struggling. I'll get you through. Like Dale always says the only way out is through. I never got it for awhile but now I do.
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    - Lisaml @ crazymama_Lori on Mar 22, 2018 12:12 PM
      Thanks a million!!!
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It's not an easy fix

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