When I embarked on this quit, I didn't really think far in advance. I focused on "one day at a time", and kept my thinking in the short term.
I think I vaguely remember reading About NML, the 2 set of seasons etc, and freaking out.
It only seems proper, I guess, that ridding myself of this addiction takes a long time. I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I feel like lighting up at 72 days quit, or practically salivate at the smell sometimes.
Anyone can quit in the acute phase. The weekend, the (god forbid) hospital stay. What I'm finding tough, is this continued challenge of NML, and how it is still a daily conversation with myself.
Things that have improved :
1. Coughing is GONE. Most notably first thing in the morning. It was pretty bad before I quit. Probably flirting with developing chronic bronchitis.
2. Endurance. I'm not out of breath exercising
3. Vanity. Lines around my mouth and eyes have faded. My teeth seem brighter.
4. Stink. I'm no longer self conscious or worried about getting busted. (Closet smoker).
Things still irritating;
1. Coffee is not satisfying
2. Reward Center of my brain is still crying for attention. I don't know how to explain it- I feel unfulfilled.
3. CONSTANT thoughts of smoking. Not cravings, just memories and "pangs". bordering on obsessing. Why do I think about it all the time?!
There is NO going back to smoking.
I can't have "just one". The elders have taught me "they travel in packs". I know this to be true.
I suppose I'm just lamenting how difficult it is, and a word of caution to those who are just starting out; DO NOT let your guard down. Please hang in here for the long haul. And I'm beginning to realize more than ever that it really is a long haul.
Happy to be on this journey with you all.
Looking forward to reading this in a year and thinking "whew! Glad THAT mess is behind me"'
thanks for hearing me think out loud;-)
lisa xoxox
Well I didn't quite finish my thought....
add that to the list of things that get on my nerves. LOL. I'm very scatterbrained. BUT I don't think I can blame that on quitting;-)
as i was saying, it's easy to quit in the acute, short term. We can do anything if we know it's just for a day. Or just for a week...
What the challenge for me is, and I've talked of this before, is realizing that even though we have gone through the acute withdrawal phase, we are still so very vulnerable.FOR A LONG TIME. (Yes, I'm yelling). It takes a great amount of resolve, foresight, Self LOVE to meet this challenge, realize it's going to suck for a while, and tackle it.
So we can, I can, do that. Just don't kid yourself that youre gonna be "over it" after that first week. Or month.
Stay in the fight.
And brand new quitters, please don't freak out that it's going to be hard for months on end. Don't get me wrong, it's not. Most days are pretty okay! I'm seeing good things every day!!! But, it's not an easy fix at all.