I really don't think that number would bother me if I had not spent a year plus losing 20 pounds. I know what I am doing wrong, but it is yet another addiction and I know better than to take on more than one of those at a time. I have a problem than has been out of my control all my life. I was not smoking when I lost the 20 pounds, but had the same sugar cravings. I love sugar, I crave sugar, I inhale sugar, and everytime I begin a new change in my life to give up something that is or will cause me problems in the long run I turn to sugar. As a child my go to foods were salt and sugar. Salt by the palm full and sugar by the sugar bowl full. My favorite dessert when I can get it is buttercream frosting, yes the one man with crisco, butter, and powdered sugar, no cake required. 5 gallon tub prefered.
I can control it any part of the day except after dinner. How or why I am not a diabetic is truly one of the many miracles that God has put into my life. Until ten days ago I used 2 Svetia per 12 cup thermos of black tea(1-3 per day), and 2 teaspoons of real sugar raw sugar on my cup of cooked oatmeal. Come the completion of the dinner meal I begin to crave nicotine, I am able to breath through that and celebrate that I no longer smoke. Only to be hit within a half an hour at the most with a sugar craving that doesn't stop once it is feed until I am a sleep. The last two nights I have been able to distract it with camomile and vanilla tea and intense coloring book sessions. But this afternoon it didn't even weight for dinner. I had two helpings of oreos with milk for a mid afternoon snack.
I will not regain my weight. I will not succumb to this laziness I feel. It is a battle that I will win. I Just have to make myself at least get back to walking. I have a trail around our property I need to get moving again.
Thanks so much for letting me vent and give myself a good lecture. I will do at least three laps before I have my dessert. One mile.