I had my last cigarette last night. I know that right now I am probably riding a high of endorphins because I am truly happy for this to be over. I have spent more of my life as a smoker than a non smoker. I started at 10 and my final for the rest of my life quit is at 55.
I made last night tough on myself because I wanted to never forget the taste, the nasty smell, the dizzy feeling of taking that first drag after putting it off for a while. My family bowls as a team on Wednesday nights, unfortunately we live about an hour away from the alley. Last night was only our second night on this new league and we had our time wrong. we were early. That means we ate dinner before leaving home at 4:30pm. I had a smoke at 4, we returned home at 10:30. I went out on our back porch and finished my last cigarette. I paid very close attention to everything, taste, texture, smell, and how my body received it. I tried my best to smoke it down to the filter, it didn't happen, my stomach said NO!.
This morning I got up grabbed my husband's smiley face stress ball and squeezed as I felt a need for that first one. Then I stated, with a smile that I AM Not A Smoker in a clear voice so that not only that little monster in my mind could know I had the thought, also that I would hear the words coming out of my own mouth. I got down on my knees and thanked God for the glorious day that I am allowed to live. Made myself a pot of Earl Gray Decaf, poured a cup, took a walk down our long country drive to get the mail. By the time I came back I was singing I am Free. Thank you Jesus(God as I understand Him) for setting me free. Satan(the commander of my little monster) has one less hold on me. I am not a smoker anymore:) You would have thought of a child making up nursery rhymes just to please her herself .
As I sit here trying to explain the elation that I feel right now. I also feel the little monster trying to creep into my brain. He will not when Today. See you guys tomorrow.
Blessings on a smoke free day.
