I keep catching myself complaining about cravings, urges, whatever you call these quick thoughts, where a cigarette sounds like something you really want. Of course, it takes just a second to remind myself that I DON’T want one afterall. I just think I do, after I eat especially. I’m looking forward to the day when I quit even thinking of one after dinner. But, as quickly as I moan and groan about cravings, I should be reminding myself how much I have to be happy about since I quit. I’m feeling better. Funny, but my husband has to remind me how much better I feel. It’s easy to realize you feel bad, it’s harder to realize you feel good. Funny how that works. Same with complaining about the unpleasant things, but forgetting to be happy for the new good things in life. Breathing better, feeling better, smelling better, and emotionally, mentally, feeling happier than I have in years. I feel more alive, mentally alert, cheerful, playful... silly is maybe a good word for the way I’ve been behaving, almost every day since I quit. No clue where this is coming from, but I’m certainly enjoying it.
I’m also feeling so much more creative. I had stopped painting or drawing more than six months ago, probably in large part due to problems I was having with my heart and lungs. Pretty much why I finally quit after 45 years. Discovering that while smoking didn’t cause all my heart problems, it was creating the worst of it, and was going to get much worse if I didn’t do something to improve my health, namely quit smoking! Why is it that an addict is so foolish as to wait until the health issues jump up and bite you before you take it serious and quit smoking. I could have saved a lot of money and trouble had I quit years ago! Oh well, can’t change the past, can only look forward to a healthier, happier future.
Day 20 and counting!