Sometimes it's gut wrenching!

Blog Post created by Lauralives on Jan 6, 2019

I didn't share that I had to put my Ivan, the 17 month old GSD down on December 10th.  I had only had him for 4 months.  Not sure I can really talk about it now either but I am just sitting here with the tears streaming down my face.  God, I loved him so much.  God, I miss him so much.  If there would have been any other way..........

Even then while I was smoking, I cried so much.  Not even the cigarettes could dull the pain of having to make a decision like that.  We were inseparable.  I know God brought us together because I would do the right thing.  I was surprised that God believed in me enough to trust me to do what I had to but I needed to realize how strong, loving and selfless I could be.  

I still have boxes downstairs that I just touched briefly, full of toys, treats, puzzles, medicines, etc.........I guess I thought I was doing better than I really am.  I had to come back upstairs.  Just touching his leash, collar, favorite ball, makes my heart ache.

I went to a Foster Care Orientation yesterday at a local Shelter.   Of course I wanted to bring several of the dogs home with me.  I am not sure that I trust myself right now.  I don't know whether to wait or just delve back into dogs.  The house is so empty and so is my heart.