You clicked anyway, huh? Ok, I warned you.... I'm not very good at social media and this feels very facebook-y with the blogs and everything, but I don't like people to see me whining or complaining about smoking and I feel like there is only so many congratulations a "never-smoker" can give. In the same token, as much as it's appreciated, there is the "smoking-me" imprisoned in the back of my mind (I imagine her like the golem guy in Lord of the Rings yelling "My Precious!!" every time I see someone with a cigarette) screaming they don't even know what they are congratulating me for because they don't know how awful this really is (the "smoking-me" just knows we are experiencing withdrawal that is so much worse than anyone else's and its SOOOO much harder for us than it ever has been for anyone else... EVER! - psh! she's a dramatic one, huh?). I will admit it is getting easier, but **stomps foot** I just want the hard part to be over. I don't like it! It's not fair everyone else gets to do it!! And with that I reel my bottom lip back in, take a deep breath and remind myself of all the right answers. The hard part IS over, you don't like smoking either, and it's not fair that everyone else hasn't found the strength to do what you are doing yet. Then I pull my big girl panties up and move on. Sometimes they are heavier than others, but for 16 days now I've gotten them up every time. I will admit this typing out thoughts is pretty cathartic, and maybe I can start putting thoughts here. When I hit this publish button, I have no idea where it will go. Hopefully it will just stick around my page because if I do get negative on this journey, I don't want it to affect anyone else... and there is NO WAY my ramblings are easy to read for anyone else. I'm not very good at responding to comments and whatnot, so if this does end up "out there" and I don't respond to things. Please don't think bad of me, I'm just not good at.... this blog and media thing. But I do want to get better, maybe you guys can help me think of a clever name for that smoker that lives in the back of my mind?!! Fingers crossed (so a cigarette can't fit in there) let's do this!!
