Ebbs and Flows

Blog Post created by Kejo on Dec 9, 2018

Just when you think you're all set... I don't know why this weekend was sooo difficult. (Correction -- IS so difficult.) I'm 27 days free. Most of the time lately, I'm feeling fine. And then..... I grabbed my boyfriend by the ears this morning and pulled his head down so I could smell the smoke on his hair. I can't help it - it still smells appealing to me.. So appealing.


I spent the afternoon/evening doing homework, my own and then my daughter's. (She needed someone to edit her essay.) I finally got everything done and submitted. It's 10pm, and this is the time that I would typically celebrate the effort and center myself with a cigarette before heading to bed. I could eat a whole container of nicotine lozenges right now, and it wouldn't cut it for me. I wanted to be through with the whole thing by now. Clearly I'm not addicted to the nicotine anymore... I miss the feeling of smoking. 


I think I'm hitting "No Man's Land." I'm sick of hearing myself talk about quitting. I'm sick of thinking about it.


You are the only people in the world who understand.


I'm not going to buy a pack of cigarettes. I just needed to whine. Again.