Karine

I have to quit again

Blog Post created by Karine on May 13, 2019

I failed my quit again . Blah Blah blah lots of excuses.   So I have a new quit date. Need new strategies. This will be quit attempt number three this year (I have been trying to quit since I started smoking regularly) I did not want to come here and say this because I am embarrassed and did not wish to influence anyone who has recently quit..  I was really happy that I had been quit for about two months.  So many benefits of not smoking.  I am not happy that I picked it back up .  I know I need a better plan and strategy. 

 

Because smoking sucks. Smoking is stupid . And honestly Smoking is currently doing nothing for me . NADA

 

 I am am so frustrated with myself.  Depression brought me back to it or so I thought at first . Well guess what still depressed .  Quitting was not the reason for my depression .  I am that kind of sad depressed person anyway. Its who I am and who I have always been. If anything not smoking empowered me . But the addict in me is very very very strong. But I forgive that part of me too now. Because that part of me was just trying to help me in the only way I taught it to help me . Now I need to retool and reset the addict brain.  Somehow I need to get new habits in place before I quit not when I quit . Damn I was not smoking and it was not hard in retrospect. The cravings were strong but I could have should have just let them be. I was obsessed with the cravings and urges . It was all I thought about .  I was also on Chantix . Not sure if that enhanced my depression , But for me I think my addict brain was so strong and in survival mode because the cravings and urges became so "unbearably" strong .  I put the unbearably in quotes because really REALLY who am I kidding it was the addict brain fighting for its power to control .  And the addict is apparently one of my super powers . It broke the chantix effects.  I am joking about it but its not really funny .

Its really incredible how strong the addict brain is.  I was also obsessed with reading or listening or watching anything about not smoking and the quit so it was all I thought about. I think that may have been a bad thing to be obsessed. I also felt like all I was doing and thinking about avoiding and getting through cravings like it was a job . I was worn down by it all . Lame excuse I know but it did exhaust me.  Blah Blah Blah I failed. 

 

So now I am wondering if I should go round three on Chantix but at a lower dose because I know it did enhance my depression and some other side effects too . But it helped me a lot . 

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