I failed my quit again . Blah Blah blah lots of excuses. So I have a new quit date. Need new strategies. This will be quit attempt number three this year (I have been trying to quit since I started smoking regularly) I did not want to come here and say this because I am embarrassed and did not wish to influence anyone who has recently quit.. I was really happy that I had been quit for about two months. So many benefits of not smoking. I am not happy that I picked it back up . I know I need a better plan and strategy.
Because smoking sucks. Smoking is stupid . And honestly Smoking is currently doing nothing for me . NADA
I am am so frustrated with myself. Depression brought me back to it or so I thought at first . Well guess what still depressed . Quitting was not the reason for my depression . I am that kind of sad depressed person anyway. Its who I am and who I have always been. If anything not smoking empowered me . But the addict in me is very very very strong. But I forgive that part of me too now. Because that part of me was just trying to help me in the only way I taught it to help me . Now I need to retool and reset the addict brain. Somehow I need to get new habits in place before I quit not when I quit . Damn I was not smoking and it was not hard in retrospect. The cravings were strong but I could have should have just let them be. I was obsessed with the cravings and urges . It was all I thought about . I was also on Chantix . Not sure if that enhanced my depression , But for me I think my addict brain was so strong and in survival mode because the cravings and urges became so "unbearably" strong . I put the unbearably in quotes because really REALLY who am I kidding it was the addict brain fighting for its power to control . And the addict is apparently one of my super powers . It broke the chantix effects. I am joking about it but its not really funny .
Its really incredible how strong the addict brain is. I was also obsessed with reading or listening or watching anything about not smoking and the quit so it was all I thought about. I think that may have been a bad thing to be obsessed. I also felt like all I was doing and thinking about avoiding and getting through cravings like it was a job . I was worn down by it all . Lame excuse I know but it did exhaust me. Blah Blah Blah I failed.
So now I am wondering if I should go round three on Chantix but at a lower dose because I know it did enhance my depression and some other side effects too . But it helped me a lot .
